A not-so-exciting review of the last three weeks

Obviously nothing terribly exciting has happened around here since the trip to Seattle. At least, nothing that has compelled me to sit down and write a blog post.

(And, no. It has not snowed here yet, but I decided a snowy picture should top the blog page since it's December and I stubbornly insist that snow and Christmas go together even though I'm not sure I have ever lived in a place where that is the reality. The new picture at the top of the blog was actually taken last year sometime in February, but I'm certain there are plenty of places in the country that are seeing snow right now.)

Our Thanksgiving with my parents was wonderful. We cooked, ate, watched some football, played games, watched movies, slept late and generally enjoyed what will be our last adult-only, completely relaxing Thanksgiving for probably the next 15 years. I appreciated the time, although I am also quite content thinking about future holidays with our child (or children).

The time since we've returned has been a blur.

After working about two hours a day, or every other day, for about a week, the guys that were putting up our Christmas lights finally completed the work just before Thanksgiving. The lights on the house are very festive, if I do say so myself.

We ventured to a nearby home improvement store with 20% coupon in hand to purchase a Christmas tree, which we (and by "we" I mean John) then strapped to the top of the Accord. I witnessed only one passerby actually laughing at our 9-foot tree atop the car, but we made it home. (John speculates that the man had probably never considered the flexibility and functionality of an Accord before. It is serving us well!)

Over the next week we slowly got lights put on the tree and the ornaments hung. I take it as a good sign that our tree still seems to be guzzling water, though it also seems to be dropping needles abundantly. I'll just pretend that's because the home improvement stores in Oklahoma apparently do not provide "tree-shaker" services upon purchase of a Christmas tree. I doubt that manually trying to shake loose needles out of the tree on our back porch with the assistance of a ladder was very productive. Really, the tree just needs to last through the week because this weekend brings a Christmas party to our house as well as a visit from a dear friend from overseas and some family members.

In the blur of the past two and a half weeks we have managed to buy (mostly) all our Christmas gifts and get them wrapped. I have one box to mail, but if anyone's been to the post office lately you'll forgive me for putting that particular errand off until the last possible minute.

This post takes the cake for the most boring post on the blog ever! I do apologize.

Before I end your misery let me just update you on the pregnancy. Today is 28 weeks. We're in the third trimester and I constantly think about how soon our daughter will be born and all life will change forever. In a good way, of course. I measured a tiny bit smaller than "normal" at my last visit a couple weeks ago, but the doctor assures me he's not worried. Otherwise, all is fine. We are so content and definitely appreciative of all the blessings God gives us. Even in the blur of activity, I've been surprised at how much I'm enjoying this Christmas season!

This post is so boring I can't even think up a good ending, but why even try to be creative at this point? I hope everyone who still reads this blog is having a joyful December!

Your first flowers

Dear Baby Girl,

We left Daddy for a week to travel to Seattle, and he missed us so much. Unfortunately, Tuesday night when we came back home I had a little bit of a meltdown. I'd like to blame it on the pregnancy hormones, but I think I was also over-reacting a bit to the way the house looks after moving in, all that still needs to be done, and having company over in three days. Aack.

Your daddy surprised me by coming home for lunch Wednesday with this bouquet of roses. He said he thought you and I would like them. Pink roses for his girls.

I just want to document your first flowers from Daddy. He loves you so much, and that's just part of the reason I love him so much.

A Vacation!

So, it's been a while since I've written. My parents came up to Oklahoma for two weeks to help get things done around the house before we moved our stuff in. My dad worked nonstop for the entire two weeks: painting, wood floor installation, propping up a sagging counter, installing gas valves, fixing GFCI outlets, and the list goes on and on! My mom spent a lot of time cleaning, painting, and helping me install shelf liner. Then when our stuff got here, my mom and John's mom spent the week unpacking and helping me put things away. Whew. Our house would still be a disaster if not for our family!

At one point during the move-in I took a little trip to the hospital because of some abdominal pain and pressure. I have to say, two hours in a quiet, dark hospital room with no moving issues to deal with (once I knew nothing was wrong with the baby) was a nice break! I wasn't dilated, wasn't having any regular contractions, didn't have any kind of infection, and was just a bit dehydrated. Easily fixed.

Once our family left, John and I enjoyed two days by ourselves in the new house before I headed out to Seattle to visit some friends for a week. What a glorious break!

Of course, I had to have some Beecher's mac and cheese:


We had one clear, sunny day while I was in town, and the view from the Columbia Tower was awesome!




That beautiful clear day (also happened to be the birthday of the friend I was visiting!) ended with a gorgeous sunset.


Mostly I just enjoyed being away from home, visiting with a good friend, spending time with her sweet girls, and seeing the brilliant autumn colors that a place with trees offers!

I'm not going to lie; it's been a hard adjustment coming back here to Oklahoma. Sometimes I wonder if I'm cut out to live here. This house is bigger, the city is smaller, things are spread out across a flat plain. Something about it is not cozy. I realize that the adjustment to a new place takes a while. I'm sure as I meet more people and make friends it will help. And there's always the let-down of coming back after a vacation...back to real life.

However, I'm so grateful I got to take that break. Before I know it we'll be off again to visit my family and I'm sure the hustle and bustle of the holiday season will take up plenty of space in my mind and time.

The Power of Persuasion

I just have to say: thanks to my talented husband, we will be closing on our house on time: a feat that apparently was not possible in the minds of all realtors involved because of the particular lender we chose to use.

I have to say that I doubted it myself when our underwriters first asked for a copy of the inspection report over a week ago and then insisted we fix certain things before closing. This despite the fact that we were asking the seller to pay us money in lieu of repairs. And despite the fact that no one should care whether our hot water heater is up to snuff or the outdoor GFCI outlets work or not, least of all our lenders. What if we're against hot water and prefer to take cold showers?

John somehow convinced our lender to waive the silly request for repairs, and we thought things were settled. Until Monday night, four days before we're supposed to close, when our realtor calls to tell us apparently the underwriters are on another scavenger hunt and are requesting a copy of the structural engineer's report. This house is only six years old. Nothing's wrong with the foundation.

Once again, John came to the rescue by informing the loan officer we will not provide more ridiculous reports, especially not four days before closing will take place, and it WILL take place. By Tuesday we had all our final paperwork to review and the guarantee that closing will happen on time.

Our realtor is duly impressed and has observed that "John is a very persuasive man."

I smiled and told John that's how we ended up married; he's very persuasive. And I wouldn't trade him for anything.

Her first state fair of Texas

Thursday of last week was our "big" sonogram. You know, the one where we find out whether our child is a boy or a girl. In all honesty, this 19-week appointment was accompanied, once again, by more anxiety and fear than excitement. Most other days I'm fine. But I don't know if I'll ever have a sonogram appointment where I do not dread something being wrong.

Of course, I tell myself all the things I know I should. God is in control. This may be my only pregnancy; enjoy it! Everything is fine; just be excited about the baby.

It's hard to do after you've lost a child.

Thankfully, my sonogram last week showed a perfectly normal, healthy baby GIRL! All of her measurements were within one day of my original due date, which amazingly has not changed at all since I first became pregnant. She was wiggling around quite a bit, so we didn't get to see her profile, but all of her organs look normal, and we got a glimpse of her feet and hands. Speaking of the wiggling, I've been feeling her little movements now for a couple weeks and am grateful for each of these moments.

My four-year-old nephew has been calling his cousin "her" and "she" ever since we told him I was pregnant. My co-worker graciously gave me a trunk-load of baby items right before we moved, most of which were pink since her child is a little girl. My drycleaner in Dallas was certain I would have a girl when I told him I was pregnant. The room in our new house that we're going to use for a nursery is already painted a very pale pink. Our child's gender did not matter to us at all, but it is nice to imagine one more detail about our child now.

The "face" sonogram pictures do not show a lot of detail, but John proclaimed right away that he thinks our baby looks like me and she's beautiful. Already he's told me he knows it's important that he tells her all the time that she's beautiful. What a great dad!

The excitement of the week was followed up with a super fun weekend in Dallas getting to see my sister, brother-in-law and nephew. We had a fun-filled day at the State Fair of Texas Saturday, even though I had to forgo the Fletcher's corny dog this year. I made up by partaking of some tornado taters and a funnel cake. A large part of the fun was seeing my nephew so extremely excited about EVERYTHING at the fair: the petting zoo, the cows, the dog show, a hamburger, the rides, the music!

Saturday night was the perfect ending to an exciting day as we sat around with John's family watching the Rangers beat the Tigers 15-5 to make it to the World Series!

Sunday we enjoyed a beautiful morning at the Arboretum with all the pumpkins and fall decor before everyone headed home.

Needless to say, I'm a little exhausted. But definitely happy and so thankful for my family. Including this newest addition of our daughter!

Just some honest thoughts

Before I knew for sure that we would be moving this fall, I had grand plans of taking an awesome vacation during my second trimester, assuming I made it to my second trimester. After all, I have not been on a vacation at all this year and I'm assuming that vacations will be off the list of things to do next year with an infant.

And now here I am, over a month into my second trimester, living in an apartment in a new city with very few friends around, closing on a house in a couple weeks, still waiting for the previous house to sell, and scrutinizing which appliances and home furnishings we need to/should/can afford to purchase at this time.

It is not the vacation I had imagined in my head. Part of me wishes I'd known when we took that last trip (I believe it was Hawaii over a year ago!) that it would be the last for a couple years. Oh, what a pity party I can throw for myself!

In reality, I'm probably craving a trip somewhere to escape from the change, loneliness, constant decision-making, and stress of moving. I'm just going to have to find better ways of coping. (And that most likely should not include shopping since we're doing plenty of that already this year, sleeping-in every morning, or burying myself in books and movies to take me into an alternative reality. Though it could be argued that soon enough I will be giving up all the sleeping-in and uninterrupted book/movie time.)

I had four years longer than I'd planned to travel (and get plenty of sleep, and read or watch movies whenever I wanted). This baby is NOT unwanted, for sure! I think it's the move away from friends, my job, family, and familiarity that is unwanted. Though, even that will prove to be a blessing when the baby joins our family and my husband can be in town all the time.

It sure doesn't take too long of me being out of a routine to become introspective! Time will tell whether that's a good thing or not! (I promise not every post will become a place for me to dump all the random thoughts in my head. OK, at least not the boring, "poor me" thoughts!)

Wine and Banana Bread

In visiting churches over the last four weeks I believe we have partaken of communion twice. The first time John was sure they served up wine, which wouldn't have been a stretch considering there was dancing going on over in a corner during the singing portion of the service.

(Dancing that I was completely oblivious to, by the way. John and his mom brought it up after the service and I didn't have a clue what they were talking about. I am either a.) totally immersed in my own little world during worship or b.) unable to have any caffeine early in the morning to provide a level of awareness that most normal people enjoy. This solidifies the fact that I should not, perhaps, be behind the wheel of a vehicle on our way to church on Sunday mornings.)

Anyway, I'm pretty sure the communion element was sugar-free grape juice, not wine, but my awareness might have been compromised (see above paragraph).

Come to think of it, the wine event might have been a completely different communion experience other than the church of the dancers. Maybe we've had communion on three separate occasions? Wow. Church-visiting is going the way of house-hunting. Was that the church with the cool praise team and the boring pastor, or the one with the choir with full orchestra, or the one with the fantastic pastor and a prophetic ministry team? I should be taking notes.

The most recent communion experience was just this last Sunday, so I do recall the "body" element of communion was something I've never experienced. I've had chunks of French bread, pieces of round communion loaves, cracker-like wafers, and those gluten-free wafers that taste like cardboard. Never have I had a tiny pre-cut square of something that tasted suspiciously like banana bread. If was such a tiny sample that it is hard to say, but it was definitely dense and sweet.

(By the way, if you're offering up banana bread to your congregation for communion, you might want to warn them beforehand. It kind of shifts the focus away from what we're supposed to be contemplating when the surprise of a breakfast bread hits our tongue.)

Never in my life did I imagine there could be so many ways for communion to be presented and taken. Just to make it clear: we will not be choosing a church based on the presentation of their communion elements. After all, it all equals a remembrance of Christ's death for forgiveness of sin.

No, we'll probably choose a church based on much more important matters. Like the cool-ness factor of the music minister, the comfort of the chairs/pews, and the number of bounce-house-type activities available at their "Fall Festival"/"Harvest Festival"/"Anti-Halloween, family friendly, free candy event".

Any other suggestions for things we should be evaluating?

Seriously, after finding a house to live in, finding a church is what will make this move feel more like our regular home. We're still working on it.

Grateful

So many exciting, happy life events are happening all around us, yet it is still so hard to take time to be grateful. Why is that? I suppose with so many life changes comes a fair amount of stress and busyness.

Even though the leaves are not changing around here yet, fall is in the air. The perfect temperatures and the sun shining lower in the sky make this my favorite season. I also love the anticipation of Thanksgiving and Christmas, pumpkin spice lattes (decaf for me this year...and only as a special treat!), being able to curl up with a blanket on the sofa, and the return of soup to our menu.

Besides slightly cooler temperatures (and yes, by that I might mean 89 degrees which, mind you, is cool compared to 110), another great aspect of life in Oklahoma is the ability to see the sky and take full advantage of beautiful sunrises and sunsets.

We've only been here three weeks, and thankfully we've already found a house! Nothing was perfect, and my pregnancy hormones are making it pretty difficult to have any kind of stable or rational emotions toward house-hunting. I'm content with the house we've chosen, and I realize no matter what a house looks like, it will look and feel like home once we move our stuff in, start living life there, and have our family in that space. We should be moved in before Thanksgiving.

Finally, there is the pregnancy that takes up so much of our minds, prayers, and hearts. I had my first appointment yesterday with my new OB. 17 weeks and everything looks and feels "normal". We heard a strong heartbeat and will have our next sono in a couple weeks. Sometimes I can't believe that we've made it this far into the pregnancy with so few complications. It is such a gift.

After the first trimester of complete exhaustion, some serious heartburn, and a tiny bit of constant nausea, my energy has picked up a bit and nausea and heartburn have pretty much disappeared. Other than being more tired than normal in the late afternoon/evening and having horrible hip pain when I (try to) sleep, I feel perfectly fine...and grateful.

I still think about our first child. Often. I think I always will. I read somewhere that this situation is kind of like someone who has had to have one leg amputated; they are certainly grateful for the one leg they have left and for keeping their life, but there is still grief over the missing leg. With time, you get more used to it and think about it less, but the fact of the loss never disappears.

I think another thing I've discovered is that I'm more conscious about turning this child over to God to protect and care for. My control and power only go so far, and it's sure not as far as I would like to think!

I know I can't imagine how life is going to change. I just know it's going to change radically. I'm trying to be aware and grateful of these last months of this period of my life. You know, the one where I'm just a married woman with a totally flexible schedule who gets all the sleep I want! I've gotten an extra five years of that and can hopefully move into the motherhood phase with thankfulness!

A Bigger Picture

Where will we live? What will our child be like? How much should we really spend on a house? What kind of remodeling will we want to do? When will our house sell? Will we really like this new job? Will the weather ever get cooler?

So much time spent wondering and worrying about the future. I admit my mind is filled with questions and worries and prayers about a baby, selling our house, and finding a new place to live. There’s only so much I can do about our child – good medical care, rest, a healthy diet, and just the right amount of exercise can only go so far. Most of it is up to God. So, I find myself taking control of other things. I start planning and shopping, organizing, making lists, and preparing to do our best to get our house sold and find the perfect new home in our new city.

The more I strive to take control, the more I forget about faith. I leave God out, and then realize I’m not living with purpose. My vision is so short-sighted when I’m grasping for control.

And I forget. I lose sight of the big picture and the tiny ways my life could affect others with a conversation, a smile, a helping hand, service, and grace. All is grace. If you have a moment, take the time to read Duane’s post and remember.

There are more important things than a house and furniture.

A bundle of joy and nerves

The three of us will move to Oklahoma City next Thursday.

That’s right, Erin’s pregnant again. Today marks the last day of the first trimester (the end of the thirteenth week), so we figure it’s time to start telling folks. We’re thrilled that God has surprised us with a baby for a second time, and we’ve been doing our best to cherish every day we have with our baby. It’s been fun going to doctor visits in each of the last eight weeks and watching our baby grow. Even more exciting was hearing the heartbeat for the first time a few weeks ago and hearing the reassuring words last week that “everything looks normal.” Lots of people all over the world have been praying for years for this to happen. If you’re one of them, thank you.

As wonderful as our news is, our excitement is tempered every day by the memory of what happened to our first baby, who didn’t live longer than ten weeks in the womb. We look forward to the day when we get to meet him or her in heaven and spend lots of time getting to know each other. And we can’t wait until the first part of March, which is when they say our second baby is “due.”

We sure would appreciate your continued prayers for us. We’re asking God to keep our baby healthy and to give both of us relief from the anxiety and fear that we often have. My dad told me a few days ago that this worry never fully goes away, even after the baby’s born. Maybe there’s a point when worry will fade into “loving concern,” which at least sounds better than worry and fear.

So, we invite you to celebrate with us as we say goodbye to the riskiest three months of pregnancy, and look forward to expanding our family in a new place, with a new job, in a new house!

The Big Island

Things around here are brown and crunchy. And hot. People are raking their lawns in August because the trees are shedding like it's November. Experiments like baking cookies on the dash of your car while you're at work are taking place...successfully.

So, looking at the photo I posted at the top of the blog is like a breath of fresh air: deep blue water as far as you can see and deep green mountains. I want to go there. Pololu Black Sand Beach on the Big Island. I'm having a hard time with #2 on the Prescription for Contentment - not imaging myself in any other circumstance or someplace else.

If you live in the middle or southern United States this summer, you know what I mean. Where do you wish you were?

Moving

It's been a little quiet here on the blog. Mostly because a lot of stuff has been going on in our private lives that I just haven't been able to share publicly yet.

That, and it's been 106 degrees on average every day for the past two months. This means my life consists of working, sleeping, reading and generally attempting to go outdoors as little as possible. It did finally rain for the first time in months last Saturday, which ushered in a day of temperatures well below 100 - it was wonderful!

And now it's back to triple digits for as far as the forecasters can predict. I admit that I dream about Thanksgiving and Christmas and even snow.

I might get snow this Christmas, because (ta-da...I can share one of the issues that's been going on in our lives recently!) we're moving to Oklahoma City. Moving is bittersweet. John is changing jobs, changing companies. Besides better pay, this job will require no travel. I can't even imagine what that will be like, but I don't think it will take long for me to get used to it!

This all came about in a matter of two weeks, although we've been waiting an additional two weeks to get a written offer letter. So, while he's accepted the job, we've known we'll be moving, and our house has been for sale, John has had to keep quiet at work about all this. No more. The letter came today.

I am always amazed and grateful at how God takes care of us. After putting a "for sale" sign up, a couple came to look at our house three days later and they love it. So, I think we pretty much have the house sold - just need to get the contract agreed upon and start on the inspection/survey/title stuff so they can close around October 1.

So, even though moving is scary and uncomfortable, and it always takes so much longer than I want to become fully adjusted to a new place, I know without a doubt that God will provide - new doctors, a church, friends, fun times, a home for us, the next job for me, opportunities to serve...and all the things I'm not even thinking about right now.

So, even though every person I've told about the move has been extremely sad, which makes me sad, I'm trying to focus on one day at time right now. Thankfully, I have a fabulous husband who is taking the brunt of planning ahead on his own shoulders so I don't have to think too far into the future. I also have the most supportive family ever - whether it's hugs when I'm sad, prayers, wise advice, or practical stuff like putting in a new back door and cleaning out closets with me - they are here whenever we need them.

Thankfully we're not moving so far away that it wouldn't be possible for us to continue seeing each other often. We've already made plans with my sister to rendezvous for the state fair (of Texas...I just can't imagine Oklahoma having a better state fair).

Mmmm. That kind of makes me hungry for a corny dog and tornado taters. And maybe a funnel cake for dessert.

Overthinking

Sometimes the possibility of a change is introduced and I feel wary - like it would all be too much hard work, I'm not sure it's the best idea, and I can't really imagine myself in that particular situation. Other times, the possibility of a change is introduced and I feel completely at peace with it. I can imagine myself in the situation, I can see how it would be beneficial to me or our family in some way, and even without knowing the details I can see myself content in the situation.

So, then I wonder why. Is the harder, less appealing change really the one God wants for me? I mean, isn't that the way God works? He doesn't promise we'll be comfortable, and doing hard things is how we grow and learn, right? Or, is feeling peace about a change confirmation that it's the right path? Maybe God is blessing me with confidence to do this thing.

Then I think, "I am way overthinking this." In the big picture of the cosmos, these changes in my life are really tiny. I trust God can work and use me in whatever circumstance I find myself. And, as I alluded to yesterday with the "prescription for contentment", I'm working this summer on learning contentment. From experience, I know even in the situations or changes that seem from the start to be relatively painless, life keeps happening and trials come no matter what. So, even if I choose something that seems "easy", chances are it won't end up being as easy as I imagine. And then I'll have a chance to practice contentment.

I'm still overanalyzing things at this point, so I kind of give up and figure maybe I should just roll with the punches. And go eat some lunch.

More immediately, maybe I need to just go make some Avocado Egg Salad. I've been wracking my brain trying to think of foods I could make when the temperatures make cooking undesirable. This egg salad seems like just the thing...except for boiling the eggs...but the ends might justify the means.

Plus, I have some tomatoes from the garden that need to be used up, and while caprese salad is fabulous, you can have too much of a good thing.

Please feel free to share one of your favorite summertime meals; I'm running out of ideas!

Prescription for Contentment

A grown daughter wondered how her mom, a missionary living in the African bush for 52 years with no electricity or other modern conveniences, had led a life of contentment in circumstances that would give anyone cause to complain. She found the answer in an old diary of her mother's. Her mother, Ella Spees, had written down this "prescription for contentment":

~ Never allow yourself to complain about anything - not even the weather.

~ Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.

~ Never compare your lot with another's.

~ Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.

~ Never dwell on tomorrow - remember that is God's, not ours.

(from Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow, p. 13)

Photos and Free Chicken

OK. I can't really deliver on the photos. Since I'm only updating this blog ever month or so, I figured I could stick with the gardening theme and show you the progress my watermelons have made over the past three weeks.

But our camera is broken. You see, John took a four-day trip to Hong Kong a couple weeks ago.

Yes, you read that right: a four-day trip to Hong Kong equals two days on an airplane and two days on the ground in Hong Kong. Even so, my husband who can apparently live on just hours of sleep a day, not only spent multiple hours in meetings, but attended work dinners, a club in Hong Kong where the band delivered pretty great renditions of Kenny (Rogers) and Dolly (Parton) songs, and somehow squeezed in Day One of sightseeing from the Frommer's Hong Kong travel guide. It makes me tired just thinking about it.

Unfortunately, the camera got crammed in an already full-to-the-brim piece of checked luggage and came home with a broken lens and screen.

Fortunately, and this will surprise no one, John got his credit card (I know, right? A credit card?) to cover the cost of at least fixing the camera, though we'll probably just use the money toward buying a new one. We haven't actually received the money yet, so we are still sans camera at this point.

And that's the long story about why I can't show you pictures of the much-improved watermelons.

And if you want to the story to be even longer, which you most likely don't, but I'm going to tell you anyway, we have already received payment from the credit card company for the MP3 player John left on the airplane, an event that was completely his fault. The settlement was more than we paid for the original MP3 player and more than we bought a new one for on ebay. Again, probably not a surprise to anyone.

In reality, I could take the time to figure out how to download pictures from my sub par phone onto the computer, but I'm not going to.

Even though I can't deliver on my originally intended purpose for this post, my sister-in-law has given me some information that might make someone's day. Friday is Cow Appreciation Day at Chick-fil-A. You can score some free Chick-fil-A food if you dress (fully, or even partially) like a cow. They've made it easy by providing a cow costume kit you can print out at home.

I hope you enjoy some Chick-fil-A on Friday!

The Garden

I'm loving my birthday gift from John this year: my garden doubled!

So, about half of my plants have something wrong with them, but I figure in about a month they'll all be mostly dead from the heat anyway and I've already harvested so many cherry tomatoes, yellow squash, bell peppers and green beans that I can count it as a successful year!

My green beans have some disease that's causing the leaves to get spotty and eventually yellow. I think the three meals-worth of beans I harvested are about all I'm going to get this year.

(If anybody has any tips for organically controlling whatever these diseases/pests might be, please leave me a comment. I'd love to have more knowledge!)

Another addition to the garden this year has been a drip irrigation system. I don't know why I never pursued this before! We thought it up Saturday, watched a YouTube video about it, went to the big box home/garden store, thought through all the parts we needed, and purchased everything in only one trip! Sunday morning before church we got up and installed it in about an hour!

I think my pepper plants came with a virus. Even so, they've produced some good sized bell peppers.

I am pretty impressed that all the flowers in the garden came up from seeds! Never tried that before.
Anybody know what kind of flower this is? I found some seeds in a tiny ziploc bog in the garage, planted them, and this is what came up.

Look! A watermelon! It actually has doubled in size since two days ago. (And yes, that is a roly-poly in the picture. They plague me. As do the aphids that LOVE the watermelon plants.)

The tomato plants are going crazy! Once it gets hot and humid and I have to cover the plants with bird netting, I give up on pruning anything.

There are also zucchini and yellow squash plants there in the middle of the garden next to the tomatoes. I've gotten lots of yellow squash, but just a few zucchini. I think the squash plants have blossom-end rot or something.

So, there you have it! I'll keep everybody updated on the watermelon - I'm so excited about having watermelon. I only hope it tastes as good as the expensive ones from the farmers market!

It's not even summer yet.

You wouldn't know from the weather we've been having lately, but the first day of summer is going to be June 21. That's still a week away. And while I don't enjoy the tremendous heat, I definitely like all the daylight! I love that it's starting to get light at 6 a.m. and darkness doesn't completely set in until 9 p.m.

I will consciously enjoy these long hours of daylight over the next week, because once June 21 is over the days will be getting shorter.

I'd just like to take this opportunity to say I'm boycotting our local ABC station for weather coverage. (OK. I'll probably still watch the news, but I'm not going to trust the weather part.) Maybe you can spot the problem. Here was the most recent forecast for tomorrow:

"High 100. Mostly sunny skies, dry, hot and humid."

And I can guarantee you which of those adjectives doesn't belong because the mosquitoes are out in full force and I start sweating if I stand outside for longer than two minutes together.

In fact, I sacrificed and stood outside this morning way longer than two minutes taking pictures of my garden to show you (and to prove to myself in about a month that the garden was a success before it finally turned brown, curled up, and died in the scorching heat). If I wasn't so tired I would go find the camera and download those pictures right now.

But you'll all just have to wait until tomorrow. I have to say, digging, planting, and watching food grow and plants become large and green is one of my more satisfying hobbies.

Day 3: Mastering the Land

At the same time we were boarding the plane in Dallas, pastors and administrators from 50 churches all over Uganda were packing their bags and boarding buses bound for Mukono, the home of Uganda Christian University. Some were representing large, well established churches. Others could fit their congregations inside a small house. Their destination would be the two-day “Mastering the Land” conference organized by Pastors Discipleship Network, an organization founded by Compassion Leadership Development Program graduate and Moody Bible Institute Scholar Richmond Wandera.

While our friends at Pastors Discipleship Network coordinated all of the logistics of identifying pastors and getting them to Mukono (It remains a mystery to me how they were able to accomplish this feat), our group was responsible for the vast majority of the content, which focused on teaching Biblical principles of financial stewardship and introducing simple budgeting and accounting systems.

We started the first day with worship and prayer, and then got right down to business with a wide-ranging survey of the pastors the gauge their beliefs about money and its place in their lives and in their churches. Baylor students wrote the survey questions in an effort to tailor the content to the areas that would be of greatest benefit to the pastors. The 2009 and 2010 groups also met with pastors and were surprised to learn that many pastors do not even own a complete Bible with all 63 books intact. They also learned of a general disdain for entrepreneurial activities in some congregations because it can be viewed as inconsistent Christianity. This year, the comprehensive surveys allowed us to see a more complete picture of the pastors’ beliefs, which in many areas we found to be largely consistent with the message the Bible gives us. In other areas, we observed some challenging cultural differences which we attempted to address during the two days.

We divided the pastors into seven groups, according to the level of sophistication of churches’ accounting systems. Members of our team joined each group and facilitated discussions among the pastors. I was drafted to join the group of pastors of churches that had kept accounting records for five years or longer. We started as a group of around 20, and late arrivers came in throughout the day to bring our total to around 35.

It didn’t take long for us to get into some pretty intense discussion about all sorts of financial issues the pastors were facing. Although this group was the most financially sophisticated, most of them did not have bank accounts for either themselves or for their churches. Most of the pastors don’t receive salaries, but instead commingle church and personal funds. In some ways, commingling is inevitable because the churches aren’t set up as separate legal entities. The cost of this is an often prohibitive $150. The typical Sunday collection for many of the churches amounts to $10 or $20, which starts to explain the salary issue. There’s a downward trend in offerings that reflects the deteriorating financial state of the average Ugandan family.

The worldwide economic crisis is most definitely impacting Uganda. Foreign aid has decreased as wealthier nations are using more of their resources to address their own problems. This fact alone is somewhat of a hardship, but it is compounded by the impact on currency exchange rates. The reduction of inflows of foreign money (denominated in other currencies) means there is reduced demand for the Ugandan shilling, resulting in a lower value as compared to other currencies. This causes higher prices for imported goods and services, like gasoline and construction materials, which then results in increased domestic food prices, for example, because the cost of transportation is higher. The average Ugandan’s disposable income, to the extent that there was any to begin with, is now quite a bit lower because the cost of living has increased so dramatically over the last year or so.

Church members in need are increasingly coming to their pastors with requests for assistance, and they feel obligated to issue loans either from church or personal funds. Sometimes they get repaid, and sometimes the borrowers mysteriously disappear before paying back their loans. Some say they move on to another church to borrow more. Just about every pastor also plays the role of creditor, two roles that are very different.

“The rich rules over the poor, And the borrower becomes the lender's slave,” Proverbs 22:7. There are lots of verses in the Bible that say we should be generous to those who come to us asking for help. We think that it would be better for the pastors to only give money when they’re in a position to expect nothing in return (Luke 6:35). That way it wouldn’t be a severe hardship when the money doesn’t come back in. By setting aside church funds in advance for what we would call benevolence, they can plan for situations that will inevitably arise and maintain the integrity of other areas of the church budget. This is an easy principle to understand, but we learned that it’s much harder to implement when resources are so extremely tight and when the needs of some families are so great. These pastors have such a selfless desire to help their congregations that really leave no margin at all for themselves. This is a level of sacrifice that is uncommon among the people that I know, especially myself.

Our suggestion to these pastors was to form separate legal entities for their churches since most of them have not already done so. The Pastors Discipleship Network has established a program to provide legal and financial assistance to enable them to do this. Once the church funds are set aside in their own entities, finance committees should be formed to oversee the churches’ budgets and spending. These budgets need to include salaries for the pastors. If the salaries are not large enough to fully support the pastors, then they might need to supplement their incomes with other activities.

On the second day, we talked about entrepreneurial activities that pastors could engage in, as well as teach to their congregations, to help improve the standard of living of the churches. We also taught them a little about debits and credits. I’ll write more about that in the next post.

An Unexpected Day

Well, I don't know if I've mentioned it or not, but we are having near record high temperatures here for the beginning of June. At this rate, I cannot even imagine what the weather will be like in August. Also, it will be a miraculous feat for our air conditioner (that we've kind of thought we'd have to replace every summer since we moved into this house, but it's still kicking) to continue cooling our home in this extreme heat without spontaneously combusting.

So, what with the 80% humidity and 100-degree temperatures, I've been opting to wake up extra early to do all my garden work, or even just water, while the outdoors is still bearable. It's much easier to wake up earlier in the summer since the sun starts shining a little after 6.

I kid you not, just as I am opening the back door this morning I look out the screen door and see a gigantic opossum (why is there an "o" at the beginning of that word?!?) meandering, without a care in the world, across the backyard and right under our shed. At just before 7 a.m.! In the broad daylight! It is huge!

Since I assume it was going to bed for the day, I continue on outside to do my gardening, but it just freaks me out to know a creature of that size is apparently living in or backyard under the shed! There is a waiting list for animal traps from the city, so I see a trip to the home and garden store in our near future. While calling to be on the extensive waiting list for an animal trap just in case (apparently it's a rampant problem in our city...or people are never returning the traps), I verify that if I do happen to catch the opossum I could just call and have someone else come remove it for me.

I'm not sure I look forward to the day I wake up to see a large opossum in a cage in my backyard...then again, better a cage than roaming free.

I really think the rodent issue should have been quite enough for my day and I needed to get going. But then while cleaning myself up (because, while 7 a.m. heat and humidity is bearable, it is by no means cool or refreshing), I hear the doorbell. I peek out to see a white pick-up and a few people in orange vests and decide to quickly make myself presentable.

(For a second, I actually think maybe somebody walking by saw the giant opossum in our yard, called animal control, and somehow got them to come out whereas I was completely unsuccessful in accomplishing anything other than getting my name on a waiting list.)

Good thing I decided to go out there! I find the crew all in my backyard measuring the ground, about ready to dig up our lawn to install some fiber optic cable so we can have super fast communications service from a company that rhymes with "horizon" and sends us mail every other day pleading with us to pay them more money for more services we don't need...or promising they can save us money. The crew then tells me someone else will be by later in the day to do the installation in the house.

Ummm. What? I politely tell them they must be at the wrong house, but the guy then produces a work order with our name and address on it. After a quick call to my husband to verify that this was not supposed to be happening, I again tell the crew that it must be a mistake and we do not want anything done.

I'm sure I've mentioned before that we do not have cable. We use that money to sponsor children through Compassion International and provide them with family gifts, like a house. Also, our DSL internet is plenty fast enough and our home phone is through T-mobile. We have no use for packages or bundles that will "save" us money on our phone and cable.

Turns out my husband finally got tired of all the promotional mail from the company that rhymes with "horizon" and called them just to see what kind of deal they could offer us since they keep promising they can save us money. I don't know. I guess he thought maybe they'd offer us free internet since that's pretty much what the deal would have to be to save us any money.

However, the woman couldn't compete with the low amount we already pay and John even told her exactly why we do not have cable. No confirmation was ever made that he wanted to sign up for anything. I think he used the whole "I'll have to talk to my wife" routine and the woman said she would call him back. He never heard from her, nor did he call anyone else about it.

But here is a crew to install our super fast fiber optic cable that we haven't asked for nor do we want. Thankfully, they haven't unloaded their digger from the flatbed attached to their truck, so I send them on their way and delegate to my husband the phone call to make sure no one is going to show up later in the day to try to install anything in our house.

After all that I still manage to leave the house on time, though I keep wondering, "what's next?"

I'm happy to report that so far, that's been it. No other exciting news or stories for today. Unless the sweltering heat counts, but I won't write any more about that today...I'm sure I'll be writing more about that than you ever wanted to know by the time September rolls around.

Emily's House

John is back into the full swing of things at work now that the holiday weekend is over. He assures me there is more to write about the trip to Uganda, so stay tuned for more stories of his time there.

In the meantime, please consider following the group of Compassion bloggers that are in the Philippines right now. There's a handy sidebar link over there on the right.

I have followed other Compassion blogger trips before. However, Kat's post yesterday, and especially the video she posted of her trip to Emily's house, touched me in a different way. I completely agree with a comment Kat's fellow trip blogger, Emily, made. I've seen poverty. I've been in slums and one-room, dirt-floor shacks that house six people. You'd think it couldn't get any worse than that. As Emily says, "Turns out, it kind of can. If you add water."



We already sponsor two Compassion children in Uganda. I think I really want to sponsor a child in the Philippines now, too.

Maybe you could sponsor one as well.

Day 2: Back at UCU 3 1/2 years on

Our first full day in Uganda as a complete team was spent on the UCU campus. I still remember the last time I was here, during my first trip in 2008. I now recognize that time as a pivotal moment when everything changed. In 2008, Erin and I were travelling with a group of 32 Compassion sponsors as we toured around the country learning about each of Compassion's programs in Uganda. Our UCU visit was toward the end of the trip, the day before we got to meet Ronnie, the child we sponsor. We were so excited about the day that was to come, that we didn't put much thought into what we were about to experience on campus. We had already been overwhelmed by the people we had met, and were inspired by the hope and generosity we saw in the the children and families participating in Compassion's programs. By this time we were just ready to meet Ronnie.

I was surprised to be greeted by more than 20 students, each with a level of motivation, enthusiasm, and sense of purpose far exceeding anything I usually see in college students in the United States. A few of them were selected to share the stories of how they emerged from lives of absolute poverty to become strong Christian leaders and ultimately selected to be part of Compassion's Leadership Development Program (LDP). I was moved by each of these stories, and even more so when I took the opportunity to speak with some of them individually afterward over tea. It didn't take long to realize that there was a real opportunity for Baylor students to connect with the UCU business students and strengthen each other as they prepare to be business leaders in their communities.

A few weeks before the trip I had been thinking about how two of Baylor’s 2012 Imperatives (XI – Emphasize global education and VI – Guide all Baylor students through academic and student life programming to understand life as a stewardship and work as a vocation) were very similar to Ernst & Young’s global priorities of emphasizing international work experiences and corporate responsibility. I had also recently learned about BU Missions and its discipline-specific approach. My international experience at Ernst & Young, the relationships I had developed with Baylor faculty, and my experience with these LDP students in Uganda all came together to form an idea for a mission trip designed specifically for accountants. Seven months later, after lots of hard work on the part of Baylor faculty and Compassion staff, a phenomenal group of 14 students, along with representatives from Compassion and Ernst & Young, left for Uganda to conduct a conference for local pastors, moderate a panel discussion on the global economic crisis, and consult with local small businesses, among many other activities.

Fast forward to 2011. I've been waiting for 3 1/2 years to return to Uganda. In 2009, I stayed home to fulfill some responsibilities at work. In 2010, I was lined up to go until Erin and I learned that our unborn child died at 11 weeks just days before I was scheduled to leave. So after years of waiting, I'm back at UCU touring the campus with a group of Baylor students and faculty who have put in hundreds of hours preparing for this moment. Kaila and Tori are ready to kick off the week by teacahing presentation skills to about 75 UCU business students. Meanwhile, Wyatt, Blake, Taylor, and Scott Orsak were putting the finishing touches on their entrepreneurship session.

I was so impressed by the quality of these presentations and by the attentiveness of the audience, even if some of the class participation was incentivized by bags of Skittles. Kaila and Tori introduced some new PowerPoint techniques, the concept of the "open face," and professional presence. Afterward we brainstormed about ways this session could be expanded in future years, and some UCU faculty expressed interest in participating in the future.

The entrepreneurship team explained the elements of a business plan and Scott Orsak gave a quick but powerful lesson on how to prepare a break-even analysis. The session included a case study where participants divided into groups to discuss ideas on how a shoe store would go to market in Uganda. They ended their presentation with a call for groups to submit business plans by the end of the week. Winning business plans would be awarded grants of start-up capital. The UCU students quickly began collaborating in their groups and within a few days, put together a number of interesting business plans for consideration.



One of the really interesting aspects of this trip is that the faculty leaders were not telling the students exactly what they needed to do or where they needed to be. Most of the agenda was student-led, with students calling all the shots, and taking full ownership over their sessions. It was fun to see the Baylor and UCU students interacting together and sharing ideas with each other. They were beginning to realize that God has given them valuable skills that they can use to encourage fellow Christians who grew up in a different education system.

While students from two universities learned from each other, I reflected on the past few years and thanked God for the unexpected opportunity to be back on the UCU campus in partnership with Baylor University and Compassion International, and the circumstances that brought about this connection. I thought about all of the hard work and sacrifices that so many people made for this experience to be possible, and I prayed that the coming days would be perspective-changing for everyone involved and above all else, bring glory to God.

Day 1: I met Ronnie's family

(This and the next several blog posts will be from John. He wants to share about the trip to Uganda with the Baylor accounting department and Compassion International.)

Last fall shortly after I decided to travel to Uganda, I signed up for a credit card. This is not surprising to those who know that I inherited from my father a passion for paying as little as possible for just about everything. The particular offer I signed up for this time around seemed too good to be true, even by my standards. But the 75,000 miles they offered me was too tempting to pass up. Especially since this is exactly the miles I needed to get a free flight to Uganda. Fortunately for me, I got my 75,000 miles a few weeks after getting the card, and then immediately booked my flight before the fuel surcharges got out of hand.

The one downside to booking my flight this way was that I was not able to travel with the rest of the group because I used a different airline. The flight schedule put me in Kampala at around 7:00 am, when the rest of the group would not arrive until 11:00 pm. With the prospect of spending 16 hours alone in a hotel room not looking too appealing, I got on the phone with my friends at Compassion International and asked if I could use this time to travel to the home of Ronnie, my sponsored child. My wife, Erin, and I began sponsoring him in 2005 and had the privilege of meeting him during our first trip to Uganda in 2008. That time he came to see us at our hotel, and we didn't get to meet his family. This time I wanted to meet everyone. My friends at Compassion were eager to help me set this up, and within a few days all the plans were in place.

After landing in Kampala early Tuesday morning, I was greeted by Chris, who is one of 86 full-time in Compassion employees in Kampala. He stays busy throughout the year facilitating visits like mine. We set off from the airport and drove 4 1/2 hours to the site of Ronnie's Compassion project, which is about 16 kilometers north of Uganda's border with Tanzania and just a few kilometers south of the location where the HIV virus was first discovered in 1982. As we were driving through the nearby towns along Masaka Road, Chris talked about the devastating impact HIV/AIDS has had on this area. It would be almost impossible to find a person living in this area who has not lost at least one family member to the disease. Child-headed households are common because so many families lost both of parents before antiretroviral therapy became available. Communities in this area are now fortunate to have access to this life saving treatment.

We soon arrived at the site of Ronnie's Compassion project, which is on the property of the church that administers it. On this day, families were preparing for the start of the new school term which would begin the following week. The church was handing out blankets, backpacks, and mosquito nets to the families of each of the 250+ children registered at the project. All of this was provided by Compassion sponsors, who contribute $38 per month for the well being of each child they sponsor.

I took a tour of the facility and saw the pigs that they children learn to care for. I saw the cows that are owned by the church and cared for by widows as means to earn a living. I saw the primary school that Ronnie recently graduated from, and the secondary school where he is currently studying physics, chemistry, biology, English, Swahili, math, and other subjects. He wants to be a doctor when he grows up, and could not stop talking about it. He spoke to me in English, which he was not able to do with confidence when we visited him in 2008. Most children in Uganda don't make it past primary school because secondary school can be prohibitively expensive, and many times children are needed to help the family earn income. I'm thankful to have the opportunity to help Ronnie receive an education that has made him fluent in English and that will prepare him well for a future as a doctor, or whatever else he may decide to do with his life.

After touring the site, we got in the van and drove a few kilometers down the road to the path leading to Ronnie's house. Our van got stuck in the mud so we walked about a quarter mile to the house. This is a moment I had been looking forward to since 2008, when Erin and I asked a representative from his project what his family needed most. We learned that over half of his family's income was being used to pay rent on a small mud hut that he, his parents, 4 brothers, sister, and a cousin were living in. It didn't take us long to decide how to respond to this need. About six months after making a donation to Compassion that equates to less than the amount we would spend on cable in a year (we don't have it so I don't really know how much it costs), we received a letter from Ronnie with a picture of his family standing in front of their new brick house. In his letter to us, Ronnie quoted Psalm 138:4, "All the kings in the world will praise you Lord because they have heard your promises," and said "Dear friends, thank you so much for the gifts you sent us as a family. We were able to build a three roomed house and soon we are shifting to our new home. All of us don't have right words to express it. May God bless you for that great love."

Ronnie and I didn't get too far down that dirt path before his brothers and sister ran toward us and overwhelmed me with hugs. The boys were wearing matching taupe-colored shirts, and his sister was wearing a dress that seemed to be made from the same material. I was later reminded about one of the gifts we gave his family in 2008: a single bedsheet. His mother had used this piece of fabric to make clothes for her children. This just blew me away.

What blew me away even more was the fact that I did not recognize the house we were now standing in front of:



It did not match the picture that I received a few years ago. That's because as a result of his father's consistent employment and the additional disposable income that comes from not having to pay rent, the family has been able to save up and build an addition onto the house that we bought for them. The original three room house is behind the one shown in this picture. The addition shown here is five rooms and is almost complete. The family's life has been completely turned around as a result of the very small sacrifices we've made over the course of six years, and more importantly, as a result of the efforts of my friends at Compassion International and the church in his village that Compassion partners with. I can't think of an easier or a more effective way to share the resources God has entrusted to me than to partner with organizations like Compassion International who are saving lives and lifting families out of poverty day in and day out, all in the name of Jesus.

Every time I look over at those ugly "rabbit ears" towering over the old-fashioned square TV set in my living room, I just think of Ronnie's family and smile.

Baylor University Accounting Mission Trip 2011

I can't believe this year's group of 19 Baylor students and professors (plus our friend Mel from Compassion International) are nearing the end of their mission trip in Uganda!

Hopefully as I write this they are getting some much-needed sleep! John declares the trip to be 100% successful, and viewing the photos and reading about their adventures on their blog only confirms this for me.

This group has poured knowledge, the love of Christ, and encouragement into the lives of countless Ugandan pastors, college students, business owners, and children. I know that each of the team members on this trip would tell you they have learned and gained more from the people they went to serve than they gave. (It's probably not entirely true, but having been on trips before, I understand feeling that way.)

Please take a moment to read the blog posts some of the students and professors have written during their time in Uganda: Baylor Accounting Mission Trip 2011.

There are different way you can contribute to future trips, from praying to donating Bibles or financial gifts. Or maybe you know an accounting student at Baylor. If so, they definitely need to consider this mission trip!

The Remains of the Day:

 

I can honestly say never in my life have I seen half of a cardinal upended in my yard as if it was a sacrificial marking.

Or an artistically violent warning to other creatures.

Mice? Rats? Opossums? Are you listening?

(OK, not really on the opossums. I'm pretty sure a cat wouldn't kill an opossum. Why is that word spelled that way??? And is it really "an" in front of the word instead of "a"?)

Empty Arms

In the past, infertility has tainted my view of Mother's Day. I became less than enthusiastic about attending a church service where all the mothers were congratulated, prayed for, and even given flowers while those of us unable to have children were left out.

I became more mindful of all the mothers whose child, or children, are not here on this earth with them.

This year I am not only in the category of "infertile" (maybe rather "subfertile"), but I am also in the category of the women whose children are in heaven. My sentiments about Mother's Day haven't changed so much since the blog post I wrote last Mother's Day, except that the pain of losing a child is extremely close to my heart. Just days after writing last year's post I went to my 11-week OB appointment and had to endure a sonogram of my child, unmoving, no heartbeat.

Please say a prayer this week for all of us who carry the hurt of losing children or not being able to give birth to a child. I imagine children whose mothers have died are having an equally painful time this week, though I can't say I understand that pain personally. Please remember them, too.

And to put some positive action to our good thoughts and prayers, may I suggest a way to help mothers with little or no resources prevent the deaths of their own young children? Compassion International's Child Survival Program helps moms provide proper nutrition and medical care for their babies before and after birth. Many of these children would die of preventable diseases without the help of the Child Survival Program. Please consider reaching out to these mothers this Mother's Day.

Uganda

John is finally going on the Baylor Accounting Department mission trip to Uganda this year! After suggesting this discipline-specific mission trip and coordinating a partnership between Baylor's accounting department and Compassion International in 2008, he's going to actually participate in this third trip.

About 20 professors and students are signed up for this mission trip to work with Ugandan university students, pastors, small businesses, an orphanage, and Compassion projects in the span of about ten days. They'll be offering ethics, business and accounting training all through a Christian worldview. If you're interested in meeting the students who are going or want to keep up with the trip, you can follow their blog: Baylor Accounting Mission Trip 2011.

Unfortunately, if you've read the news you know that unrest has popped up in Uganda, specifically in Kampala. High food and fuel prices led some to start peaceful protests. In an effort to squelch protests, President Museveni is now using what the UN describes as "excessive force" against Ugandans. Eight people have been killed and more than 250 injured since protests began a few weeks ago.

Please pray that the violence will end and the riots be resolved peaceably. We do not want to have to cancel the trip, so we need things in Uganda to be safe again. John and I also sponsor two children in Uganda. Fortunately neither are anywhere near Kampala since they both live in rural areas, but we're also praying that they will stay safe and healthy. Of course, you can also pray for all the churches and Compassion staff and children in the midst of this crisis.

I know God works miracles, and we are definitely praying for one right now!

Breaking the Silence

I looked at this blog today and almost started crying. I didn't write a single post in the entire month of March.

Is my life that boring? Or that busy with mundane things that I've given up writing? Am I incapable of writing anymore? Do I compare myself too much to other people who are traveling or having babies or cooking gourmet food all the time or writing entire books?

Or maybe I'm just highly emotional lately. Because, really? Shedding a tear over my lack of literary commitment?

My birthday and our anniversary week marked the one-year anniversary from when I found out I was miraculously pregnant last year. So, I promptly (and rather unexpectedly) spent my entire birthday crying uncontrollably.

And now we're coming up to the one-year anniversary of my miscarriage, so cue the grief again.

And on top of everything I'm not feeling well...again...although in the past couple days I've seen some improvement in the pain department. Then again, I also contracted a nasty cold a couple days ago that I swear came on in about 5 minutes.

As you can see, I have been an absolute joy to be around.

Sometimes I feel like I'm leaving wreckage behind me right and left as I say and do things that are not really me but are just brought about by all the physical and emotional pain that's plaguing me. It doesn't help that my face doesn't hide my feelings. Try as I might I cannot say any sweet words convincingly when I am really frustrated, incredulous or uncaring.

I do believe I use up every ounce of genuine care, concern and non-judgmental attitude at work. Sad, but true.

I try to remedy this entire situation in what is probably an equally unhealthy way - just don't talk to anyone unless I have to. So, if you haven't heard from me in a while it's only because I'm sparing you. And if you have been in my presence in the last month or so and are still my friend (or family...guess there's no way around that), God bless you. And thank you.

So, we didn't go anywhere or do anything too exciting in the past month. Life at work has been busy and full of crises and desperate situations. We are leading a small group at our church for us misfits whose work/travel schedules will not allow any group meetings during the weekdays, and we love it! My garden is growing. John's been in town the last several weeks, so we have been learning what it's like to eat dinner together, see friends in the evenings, sit and talk and watch TV - just normal life with the both of us.

It's at times like these in my life that I am grateful for God's grace. He never leaves me or gives up on me when I am less than pleasant to be around. As much as it hurts to see the ugliness in myself, I know that because of the gift of forgiveness and redemption, I can change and grow, and the valley I'm in will not last forever.

Excavation

Confession: I can't quit eating the girl scout cookies. I should have taken them to work and forced them upon our volunteers, but, lo, they are sitting on my kitchen counter (though apparently not for very long).

It is a gorgeous day. The 50 mile-per-hour winds of yesterday are gone, as is every single cloud in the sky. It is not too cold or too hot. Even our grass is finally starting to look green. (I'll pretend that's grass and not just a ton of weeds.)

The city water utilities and electric service people are obviously also taking advantage of the beautiful weather. While out and about this morning I saw no less than five electric services vehicles in various locations. The city water utilities showed up in our very own yard this morning about 8:00.


There was an excavator! There was fence disassembly (blogger says that's not a word; I say different)! There was a five-foot-deep hole! It was excitement!

The dirt is now replaced, the fence in its original condition, and our crepe myrtle probably a little worse for the wear. (Oh, and I suppose they made whatever "fix" was necessary to our water main. Though I didn't even know there was a problem since water has been coming out of our faucets at all the appropriate times.) So, all in all, I'd say the city water people made efficient use of their time today.

And since there was already a gigantic hole being dug up in our yard, but mostly because the weather was perfect, I hauled our new mini-tiller out of the shed and went to work on the garden.*


*The actual garden enlargement, addition of 800 pounds of manure/peat/humus/soil, and 98% of all tilling was accomplished by my capable and strong husband. I tilled for 10 minutes mostly for the fun of it. Though, as it turns out, it's not really all that fun, and you sweat a lot. Who knew? The mini-tiller is so cute.

It's hard to tell in the picture, but small tomato and pepper transplants now reside in our garden. They are joined by zucchini, bush bean, watermelon, marigold, mystery flower, alyssum, and basil seeds.

I need to get some parsley and yellow squash seeds and the garden will be complete. I may need to grab another packet of watermelon seeds, too. The package instructs planting 4-6 seeds 3 inches apart in rows 5-7 feet apart. I have room for two small rows. Upon opening the seed packet, I discovered 12 watermelon seeds. 12!!! I think they need to advertise that fact on the packaging.

Because I know you're hanging on every word of this gardening post, let me tell you how delighted I am that the alyssum seeds I planted a few days ago are actually sprouting!


Now, I probably won't have any flowers until it's about time for the heat of summer to kill them all off anyway, but I will keep you updated on that.

I know you can't wait!

Something about being in the sunshine, digging in dirt and planting is good for the soul. This is the time of year when I love my garden...before it's so hot I break a sweat just dragging the hose across the patio to water and the insects are waging a war with me and my organic defenses. In heaven, there will be no insects waging war and no temperatures above 90 degrees - I can't wait!

Here's to a long spring of comfortable temperatures!

Tiny Violins

Has it really been two weeks since I posted anything? I feel sad that this blog is turning into a once a month post. And I don't even have any kids or pets or a 60-hour-a-week job with tons of travel to make good excuses.

In all honesty, I've been battling physical pain for the past two months, and let me just tell you that I have new understanding of how near impossible it would be to offer counseling to someone battling chronic pain. Or why they might readily turn to pain medication. Or the way chronic pain can consume your thoughts and rob you of sleep and make life miserable.

So, I just haven't felt like writing, and besides working and making the house run I haven't been able to put thoughts together on anything other than the way I've been feeling, and I know no one wants to read about that.

(Even updating you all right now I'm imagining the world's tiniest violin playing the world's saddest song. Woe is me!)

But...BUT...I feel I'm on the path to healing even though the doctors haven't figured out what's wrong yet...and may never. Once again, God has used acupuncture to heal me. It's been two weeks of a new treatment that makes me feel normal again. Don't ever take feeling normal for granted. I had a slight setback for one day, but now it's back to normal again thanks to my doctor's prayers, lots of other people's prayers, and divinely-guided acupuncture.

I don't enjoy feeling physically tormented, but it's hard to realize this little thing bothers me so much when other people I know are dealing with brain tumors, fatal diseases, a tsunami that destroyed entire towns, and nuclear radiation that will affect generations of people.

And then I'm thankful that I can breathe, see, hear, and am not facing imminent death.

I don't know if it's the lingering doubt that I'll actually be cured and feel better all the time, or the exhaustion that lack of sleep and this ridiculous Daylight Saving Time bring, or perhaps being spoiled by a fabulous trip to Hawaii...but we should be making plans for an anniversary trip and I'm feeling less than enthusiastic.

I mean, it will have to be a short trip, and it needs to be within driving distance, and it needs to involve a Hilton hotel because that's where we can stay for free. Unfortunately, we live in Dallas and no destination within driving distance seems exotic or remotely like paradise.

Paradise. I've been there. It's called Hawaii.

So, if anybody has fun ideas just let me know!

The Greatness of Family

I am so blessed to still have a grandma. One who gets around well, is still very much herself, and can fly to visit my parents, which then makes it possible for the three of them to drive to come visit us!



We had fun enjoying some beautiful weather, eating, watching movies and musicals, eating, talking, and eating! I'm looking forward to seeing the three of them again in July.

I'm also looking forward to seeing another part of my family in about a week. My sister and nephew are going to come visit us for some of D's spring break! It's been too long! Since Christmas. Now that D's in school, it's harder for them to make the trip up here, and my work schedule has been kind of a nuisance lately when it comes to having free weekends to go see them.

Thank goodness for Skype! Best invention ever!

Over on the Pioneer Woman photography blog, there's a project currently going on with photo submissions under the theme "Sisters". It makes me miss my sister! I'm so glad I get to see her again soon.

And I also feel sorry for women who don't have sisters. (I know, I know. There are some women even with sisters who don't have the bond, so maybe I feel sorry for them, too.) There's just something unique and special about the bond between sisters that I can't adequately describe.

Hopefully the weather on one or more of the days of their visit will be sunny and spring-like. It's that strange time of year here when it's cloudy and rainy one hour and sunny the next. Or in the 30s one night, but in the 70s the following day. It's confusing, and my closet is a jumbled mess of T-shirts, skirts, sweaters, boots and flip-flops because I apparently need to be prepared for every possibility on a given day.

Don't get me wrong. I think I may prefer this crazy back-and-forth as opposed to constant 105-degree humidity. It's just a little more difficult to choose (or find) the appropriate attire in my closet.

(P.S. I made my dad look in the cabinet above the microwave when he arrived last week. I'm relieved to tell you there is no sign of any type of critter actually ever being in that cabinet. On the down side, I might be going crazy since I definitely heard clear, loud noises emanating from that space in the kitchen. Thank you and good day!)

There's a critter in my cabinet.

I'm starting to dread Monday mornings. It's usually the morning John leaves town, and as soon as he leaves the house problems ensue.

This week's little dilemma started when I finally rolled out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen to make some breakfast. As I stood in the kitchen I heard a distinct rustling coming from the area of our stove and microwave. Was something in the wall? No, not muffled enough. Was it in the microwave? Nope, nothing there.

After banging on the cabinets above the microwave the noise stopped for a few moments. Ugghhh. Some critter was in my cabinet! It didn't exactly sound big enough to be a mouse, but it sure sounded bigger than your average cockroach.

Panic over the creature scurrying around in the cabinet combined with my distinct lack of decision-making ability first thing in the morning left me standing uncertainly in the kitchen for...oh...probably a good three minutes.

During those three minutes I contemplated how large I thought the animal/insect sounded, what it might do if I opened the cabinet, whether I should have a broom or a can of roach spray in hand when I opened the cabinet, if a frightened mouse could launch itself out of a shelf that high and land on me, would a mouse actually bite me if it did jump out and land on me, and what sorts of diseases mice carry these days - do they still carry the black plague?

I came to the decision that nothing good could come from opening the cabinet and instead decided to bang on it again, at which point the critter scurried across the cabinet and apparently disappeared from whence it came.

I noticed the time and moved on with making my breakfast, which included cooking up a bowl of blueberry oatmeal and generously sprinkling it with chili powder. No, not on purpose. I was going for the cinnamon.

In case you're wondering, the only thing remotely similar between those two spices are the bottles they come in, their dark color, and that they both start with the letter "c". And even though my oatmeal smelled...suspicious...I took a bite anyway, promptly spit it back out, and then dumped the entire thing down the sink. Turns out I'm out of cinnamon anyway.

I blame the critter in the cabinet for this whole debacle.

After work, on advice of my dad, I went and bought some mouse bait just in case. We already have roach bait strewn about, so really, either way I think I'm covered. I'll leave it John to investigate. Thankfully, I do not need anything out of that cabinet.

My dad's other piece of advice was to "just try and ignore it" after putting out the mouse bait. I appreciate that he's trying to make it all better long distance, but me ignoring a possible rodent isn't very likely to happen. I guarantee I will be entering that part of the house each morning banging together some books, singing loudly, stomping around and turning on every light on my way to the kitchen for, oh, a good three weeks.

Or maybe just until next week's dilemma shows up.

Sit with me.

He says all the time, "It's because I love you."

When I'm exhausted, filled with stress, or just feeling lazy, the man I live with picks up our dry-cleaning or gets eggs at the store and he patiently tells me (because my husband can be eternally patient), "It's because I love you".

When I'm sick, my husband will use the few minutes he has free from work or phone calls or doing our taxes to go pick up my medicine at the drug store for me. When I say thank you, he tells me he does it because he loves me.

There are plenty of times when I mess up. I forget to pay a bill and am now facing a late fee, or I've done something in anger or frustration around the house and ended up breaking whatever it was I meant to repair. My partner comes behind me and fixes my mistake. Eventually I apologize. It wasn't his problem to fix. But he always tells me, "It's because I love you."

One night I work the evening shift and am driving home even later than usual. I hear strange noises, then a loud pop that could only be mistaken for a vast pot hole for several seconds until I hear the tell-tale "thwap, thwap, thwap" of a flat tire.

A blowout. I find a piece of shoulder to pull over onto. Thank God for our roadside assistance. Someone will be here to affix the spare tire in the frigid temperatures in a matter of minutes. Then I realize it's unusual for my husband to be in town that night...but he is. He got home just hours ago.

I figure I should call him, so I do. Even though a towing company is coming to change the tire and it will not be long, John says he's coming. To sit with me. Just to be there. To keep me company. He doesn't have to, but he comes just because he loves me.

This is one of the wonderful effects of marriage - having someone to sit with, to wait with, to be together with.

It is not lost on me that hearing my husband say over and over again "It's because I love you" and having someone who says that and follows it up with action even when I'm frustrated, stressed, unpleasant or being selfish, is perhaps the reason why I understand clearly the love God has for me. It doesn't make sense, but now, seeing it displayed in real life, it does make sense - in a way.

"Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives." ~ Ephesians 5:25-28 (The Message)

So, these Bible words can be reality. I am married to a man who proves it. And the reality of this plan of God's, a covenant between a man and woman, sacrifice for each other, forever love, shared life...I wish those who ignore marriage in hopes of avoiding pain, or sacrifice, could know how indescribably better this covenant can be.

"It's just because I love you." Amazing how those few words can mend brokenness, smooth out anger and stress, boost confidence, and spur me to be a better person, a better wife...because I love him.