The Wilderness

Sometimes I think the trade-off for a year of no big changes is disappointment and sadness. As mentioned before, 2009 was a lot of waiting for us...but no big changes.

We didn't get pregnant and have a child. We didn't move. We didn't change jobs. We didn't change to a different small group during the year. I continued all the same doctor appointments I started in 2008. We didn't even do anything different to the house (until last week). We didn't take any big trips.

So, even though change is not easy, I'm starting to think maybe it's a little better than waiting. I also have a feeling this New Year will be a year of change. I can't say exactly what those changes might be yet; I just think maybe we're in for some adventures.

As difficult as 2009 was, I read something today that really struck me to change my perspective a little bit. "For the Lord your God has blessed you in all that you have done. He has known your wanderings through this great wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you; you have not lacked a thing." ~ Deuteronomy 2:7

Now, my first gut reaction as I think back over the Israelites leaving Egypt and journeying in the wilderness for 40 years, ultimately ending with the curse that they will never enter the promised land (though their children will), is how it was all a bunch of suffering, making big mistakes, waiting, and disappointment. Kind of like my gut reaction as I look back on 2009.

But then, isn't it odd that in such barren, screwed up, disappointing circumstances, God Himself was actually present with His people...right there, closer than He'd ever been and more visible and audible to humans than He would ever be (except for Christ's life on earth)?

So, He really did understand their wanderings and how vast the wilderness was because He was there. It ended up that the Israelites had enough money to buy food and water as they sojourned and even won some battles, so the things they did (when they were not being rebellious toward God) really must have been blessed. Even though sometimes God's provision was not quite what the Israelites wanted, many of them made it the entire 40 years alive and kicking.

How quickly I forget amidst all my emotions that God has blessed so many things I've done this year. He's used me...even in the broken state I'm in. Like the Israelites, I feel that God has been nearer and closer this year than ever before. He understands. He knows about my wilderness because He's been here the whole time. How easily I forget, while focusing on all the things that didn't happen, that I do not lack anything I need. In fact, in other ways I am abundantly blessed: my husband, my family, my friends, my job, opportunities to serve and give, no real financial worries.

Today Deuteronomy 2:7 put 2009 in perspective so I can move forward with hope. I will not lack a thing. God will be with me. That is everything.