Three years ago today we were in Athens, Greece - one of the ports of call on our Mediterranean Cruise. I remember it was HOT.
And everything was in Greek.
Mostly I remember the cruise as the best vacation we ever took. I am torn between feeling so grateful that John and I have had so many fun, exciting experiences to remember together and really wishing I was on that cruise again right now!
On the up side, it may actually be cooler here in Texas today than it was that day three years ago in Athens.
Don't get me wrong, it's still hot enough to break a sweat while doing nothing more than walking around in the shade, but it is definitely about 10 degrees cooler than it has been. The northerly breeze doesn't hurt either.
Sometimes I'd like to go back to how things were three years ago. Only because that was before I even knew about my infertility, an issue which is making life a lot more emotional and difficult than it used to be. (And maybe a little bit because four years ago we were living in Europe.)
But then I realize there are so many more things that are better about where I am in life now. Since that cruise, we've traveled to some other really beautiful places. We've gotten to meet the little boy we sponsor with Compassion International in Uganda, Ronald. I am now working in a ministry I love; I seriously could not think of a better place to work. We have so many different and wonderful friends now that we didn't even know four years ago. We have a sweet, cute, miraculous two-year-old nephew. We've gotten our little house fixed up pretty much the way we'd always wanted it. John is generally happier in his work than he's been in a long time. I have a vegetable garden that actually produces (some) vegetables.
It sure is good to take some time to think of all those things I'm thankful for, ways my life is fuller and even better than it was three years ago.
Not that I wouldn't totally take a Mediterranean cruise again in an instant!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
A Short Hiatus
It's funny to me that I felt a desire to blog (and actually even missed it greatly) last week, yet even if I had time to sit down and type, the words just wouldn't come.
Maybe I was trying too hard. Trying to say something meaningful, amusing or funny with no luck. I have a feeling I had stories to tell and interesting observations to impart, but sitting in front of the computer, my mind was blank.
Last week was a rough week. Tuesday I got the results of my pregnancy test following our second IUI attempt - negative. After a hugely successful surgery a few months ago that fixed a couple of the things we thought might have been contributing to infertility, I admit I was really optimistic about our chances this time.
I know for sure that the more I get my hopes up, the harder it is to be let down. Right now I'm struggling with a spirit and body that are sad, frustrated, and a little angry. At the same time my brain and heart know and believe that God is good and sovereign. God has a plan. His timing and ways are perfect.
And I don't have an answer today for how to live well in this state. We have already started the next process when I don't even know what to think about the last journey we've taken.
I have been surprised by the genuine compassion and love I receive from friends who also are in love with the Lord and trust God. I have so many friends who, without ever having gone through what I am experiencing, have said and done the right things and refrained from the cliches and nonsensical advice I also receive quite often. I have people in my life who absolutely know how I feel, and I am so grateful for them. More people than I can count are praying for us.
And I don't take prayer lightly. All those prayers may be the reason I still love and cherish my relationship with God. All those prayers may be the reason I can keep going to work, hanging out with friends, being with family, and taking care of things around the house with energy, focus, and joy.
So, in case I don't write much here, it's just because the words sometimes seem to fall straight out of my brain. I promise, there are still really funny and adventuresome goings-on in our life...amid such mundane tasks as ironing and cleaning the toilets.
Speaking of ironing...I think there might be some shirts waiting for me right this minute.
Maybe I was trying too hard. Trying to say something meaningful, amusing or funny with no luck. I have a feeling I had stories to tell and interesting observations to impart, but sitting in front of the computer, my mind was blank.
Last week was a rough week. Tuesday I got the results of my pregnancy test following our second IUI attempt - negative. After a hugely successful surgery a few months ago that fixed a couple of the things we thought might have been contributing to infertility, I admit I was really optimistic about our chances this time.
I know for sure that the more I get my hopes up, the harder it is to be let down. Right now I'm struggling with a spirit and body that are sad, frustrated, and a little angry. At the same time my brain and heart know and believe that God is good and sovereign. God has a plan. His timing and ways are perfect.
And I don't have an answer today for how to live well in this state. We have already started the next process when I don't even know what to think about the last journey we've taken.
I have been surprised by the genuine compassion and love I receive from friends who also are in love with the Lord and trust God. I have so many friends who, without ever having gone through what I am experiencing, have said and done the right things and refrained from the cliches and nonsensical advice I also receive quite often. I have people in my life who absolutely know how I feel, and I am so grateful for them. More people than I can count are praying for us.
And I don't take prayer lightly. All those prayers may be the reason I still love and cherish my relationship with God. All those prayers may be the reason I can keep going to work, hanging out with friends, being with family, and taking care of things around the house with energy, focus, and joy.
So, in case I don't write much here, it's just because the words sometimes seem to fall straight out of my brain. I promise, there are still really funny and adventuresome goings-on in our life...amid such mundane tasks as ironing and cleaning the toilets.
Speaking of ironing...I think there might be some shirts waiting for me right this minute.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Falling Cockroaches
The title should about sum it up. I mean, do I need to elaborate? Do you not already have the chills of disgust running up your spine?
Of course, we all know I'm going to elaborate anyway.
There's not a lot to this story, really. I went to the library earlier today to return a book and see if any movies struck my fancy (they did not). I might also have been lamenting the fact that our neighborhood library - that was literally in our neighborhood - closed late last year and now I have to drive a whole four miles to another library.
As I was exiting the library out the automatic sliding doors, a cockroach smack dab hit me on my nose on its way from somewhere up above me to the ground!!!! I heard it plop onto the ground, thought "Whatever that is, it's a pretty big something", glanced at the ground, saw a giant cockroach skittering away, and walked swiftly away while brushing at my nose and shivering in disgust despite the 100-degree temperatures.
Somehow I managed to not go into hysterics until I got into my car, where I might have screamed "Ewwwwwwww!!!!!!!" a few times and then left a screechy, dramatic voicemail for my husband on his cell phone.
Honestly, there was a ROACH. Falling from the sky. Hitting me in the nose! Rest assured, upon arriving at home I immediately washed my face and thoroughly disinfected the entire nose area.
I will never be the same person walking through those library doors again.
Of course, we all know I'm going to elaborate anyway.
There's not a lot to this story, really. I went to the library earlier today to return a book and see if any movies struck my fancy (they did not). I might also have been lamenting the fact that our neighborhood library - that was literally in our neighborhood - closed late last year and now I have to drive a whole four miles to another library.
As I was exiting the library out the automatic sliding doors, a cockroach smack dab hit me on my nose on its way from somewhere up above me to the ground!!!! I heard it plop onto the ground, thought "Whatever that is, it's a pretty big something", glanced at the ground, saw a giant cockroach skittering away, and walked swiftly away while brushing at my nose and shivering in disgust despite the 100-degree temperatures.
Somehow I managed to not go into hysterics until I got into my car, where I might have screamed "Ewwwwwwww!!!!!!!" a few times and then left a screechy, dramatic voicemail for my husband on his cell phone.
Honestly, there was a ROACH. Falling from the sky. Hitting me in the nose! Rest assured, upon arriving at home I immediately washed my face and thoroughly disinfected the entire nose area.
I will never be the same person walking through those library doors again.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
The Necessity of a Cold Dinner
Since it is approximately hotter than the surface of the sun around here, it is the time of year to cook and eat with as little heat as possible. I made a recipe the other day that was good enough to share with this blog-reading population.
Now, the recipe I made is loosely based on this recipe, found in the August issue of Southern Living. However, as I pretty much changed up the whole thing, I cannot attest to the quality of the recipe as printed in the magazine. John found it quite amusing when he asked what we're having for dinner, and I told him the name of the recipe, and then followed that up with a list of about eight different things I did differently.
Here's the recipe I actually made from the things I actually had in my kitchen the night I decided we needed something cold for dinner:
Pasta with White Beans and Arugula (aka "Spaghetti with Chickpeas and Spinach Among Other Things" of maybe just "Cold Dinner Salad Delight")
Makes about 3 - 4 servings, I think (we each ate it for dinner then each of us had it for leftovers the next day)
8 oz. corn spaghetti-style noodles (if you can eat wheat, feel free to just use regular spaghetti or even bow-tie pasta as originally called for in the recipe)
1 can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
about 2 Tbsp. sun-dried tomatoes with herbs in oil, chopped
2 medium sized tomatoes, chopped
2 handfuls of spinach, washed, drained and chopped into strips
3 oz. crumbled basil & tomato feta cheese
3 Tbsp. chopped fresh basil
1 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice (juice of 1 lemon)
1 Tbsp. olive oil
1/4 tsp. salt
Cook pasta according to package directions; drain. Stir together chickpeas and all other ingredients. Add the cooked pasta and toss. Either serve room temperature, or put salad in the fridge to serve cold.
P.S. For those of you inclined to eat hot foods during the summer months (I admit I do it occasionally), Southern Living's recipe for Black Bean-and-Chicken Cornbread Casserole is tasty. I modified the recipe only slightly by using maybe 2 1/2 cans of beans instead of 4 (really?!? 4 cans of beans?!?), making my own self-rising white cornmeal mix with gluten-free flour, and actually 1 1/2 times, or even doubling, the buttermilk/cornmeal mix quantities. Let's face it; everybody knows the cheesy cornbread on top is the BEST part!
Now, the recipe I made is loosely based on this recipe, found in the August issue of Southern Living. However, as I pretty much changed up the whole thing, I cannot attest to the quality of the recipe as printed in the magazine. John found it quite amusing when he asked what we're having for dinner, and I told him the name of the recipe, and then followed that up with a list of about eight different things I did differently.
Here's the recipe I actually made from the things I actually had in my kitchen the night I decided we needed something cold for dinner:
Pasta with White Beans and Arugula (aka "Spaghetti with Chickpeas and Spinach Among Other Things" of maybe just "Cold Dinner Salad Delight")
Makes about 3 - 4 servings, I think (we each ate it for dinner then each of us had it for leftovers the next day)
8 oz. corn spaghetti-style noodles (if you can eat wheat, feel free to just use regular spaghetti or even bow-tie pasta as originally called for in the recipe)
1 can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
about 2 Tbsp. sun-dried tomatoes with herbs in oil, chopped
2 medium sized tomatoes, chopped
2 handfuls of spinach, washed, drained and chopped into strips
3 oz. crumbled basil & tomato feta cheese
3 Tbsp. chopped fresh basil
1 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice (juice of 1 lemon)
1 Tbsp. olive oil
1/4 tsp. salt
Cook pasta according to package directions; drain. Stir together chickpeas and all other ingredients. Add the cooked pasta and toss. Either serve room temperature, or put salad in the fridge to serve cold.
P.S. For those of you inclined to eat hot foods during the summer months (I admit I do it occasionally), Southern Living's recipe for Black Bean-and-Chicken Cornbread Casserole is tasty. I modified the recipe only slightly by using maybe 2 1/2 cans of beans instead of 4 (really?!? 4 cans of beans?!?), making my own self-rising white cornmeal mix with gluten-free flour, and actually 1 1/2 times, or even doubling, the buttermilk/cornmeal mix quantities. Let's face it; everybody knows the cheesy cornbread on top is the BEST part!
Monday, August 10, 2009
The House!
OK, I really should be making myself some dinner right now, but I couldn't wait to show you all:
That's Ronnie's house - the one we helped pay for that his family built! Looks like there are some pretty adept construction workers in the family because, dang, I sure couldn't build a house like that!
(Sorry it's not the clearest picture. It's actually a picture of a picture. Ronnie's the tall boy in the yellow shirt.)
I'd also like to share just a few of Ronnie's words to us from the letter he sent with the picture:
"Dear friends, thank you so much for the gifts you sent us as a family. We were able to build a three roomed house and soon we are shifting to our new home. All of us don't have right words to express it. May God bless you for that great love."
It is most definitely great love we have for our Compassion kids, Ronnie and Martha. It will never be possible to make these kids know how much their words, drawings, pictures, and prayers are changing our lives and making our hearts smile. I'm afraid they will always think they have received so much more from us than we have from them, but that's simply not true.
Sponsored children and sponsors alike are changed through this deal. Can you imagine how an amount of money smaller than your monthly cell phone bill, a letter of encouragement now and then, and prayers can completely pull a child...even a family...out of poverty forever?
If you can, then you're probably already a sponsor. I encourage you to keep in touch with your kids - they'll enrich your life!
And if you can't imagine it, then go on over to Compassion and experience the truth for yourself!
That's Ronnie's house - the one we helped pay for that his family built! Looks like there are some pretty adept construction workers in the family because, dang, I sure couldn't build a house like that!
(Sorry it's not the clearest picture. It's actually a picture of a picture. Ronnie's the tall boy in the yellow shirt.)
I'd also like to share just a few of Ronnie's words to us from the letter he sent with the picture:
"Dear friends, thank you so much for the gifts you sent us as a family. We were able to build a three roomed house and soon we are shifting to our new home. All of us don't have right words to express it. May God bless you for that great love."
It is most definitely great love we have for our Compassion kids, Ronnie and Martha. It will never be possible to make these kids know how much their words, drawings, pictures, and prayers are changing our lives and making our hearts smile. I'm afraid they will always think they have received so much more from us than we have from them, but that's simply not true.
Sponsored children and sponsors alike are changed through this deal. Can you imagine how an amount of money smaller than your monthly cell phone bill, a letter of encouragement now and then, and prayers can completely pull a child...even a family...out of poverty forever?
If you can, then you're probably already a sponsor. I encourage you to keep in touch with your kids - they'll enrich your life!
And if you can't imagine it, then go on over to Compassion and experience the truth for yourself!
Friday, August 07, 2009
Jumping Giraffes! Is that shower tomorrow?
I need to finish writing a post that summarizes the remainder of our trip to Portland - which took place over a month ago!!!
But right now there are more pressing things I want to share with the world, one of which is the
Gift Registry Frustration.
I know I'm not the only one who procrastinates when buying baby shower gifts. I can't be! I estimate there have to be at least 75% of us who do not rush out to Babies R Them as soon as the baby shower invitation comes in the mail. And then there must be at least 15% of us who, with the passing of days...or maybe hours, forget there is even a gift to buy until we realize we have a baby shower to go to in a couple days. And then, sadly, it is way too late to order anything online.
(Those percentages are rough estimates, mind you.)
I always have good intentions. Things just never seem to pan out. (Maybe it has something to do with my less-than-pleasant past experiences at the mega-baby stores.)
When I do finally get to the store it is only to discover the items left on the registry are either a $400 audio-video, high-tech baby monitor or the $2 diaper cream.
Nothing says, "Yes. Yes, I waited until the last minute to go buy your present" like a gift bag consisting of silicone nipples, baby nail clippers, and socks.
OK. I'm kidding. Actually what they'll end up with is whatever I think is cute and/or practical regardless of its inclusion on the registry list.
And a nice gift receipt. (That is, if the employees at Babies R Them can figure out how to print the gift receipt.)
Wouldn't you think just having knowledge of the Gift Registry Frustration would push me into early action? Yeah, I would think so too. Strangely enough, it just doesn't. So, guess what I'll be doing tomorrow.
Wish me luck.
But right now there are more pressing things I want to share with the world, one of which is the
Gift Registry Frustration.
I know I'm not the only one who procrastinates when buying baby shower gifts. I can't be! I estimate there have to be at least 75% of us who do not rush out to Babies R Them as soon as the baby shower invitation comes in the mail. And then there must be at least 15% of us who, with the passing of days...or maybe hours, forget there is even a gift to buy until we realize we have a baby shower to go to in a couple days. And then, sadly, it is way too late to order anything online.
(Those percentages are rough estimates, mind you.)
I always have good intentions. Things just never seem to pan out. (Maybe it has something to do with my less-than-pleasant past experiences at the mega-baby stores.)
When I do finally get to the store it is only to discover the items left on the registry are either a $400 audio-video, high-tech baby monitor or the $2 diaper cream.
Nothing says, "Yes. Yes, I waited until the last minute to go buy your present" like a gift bag consisting of silicone nipples, baby nail clippers, and socks.
OK. I'm kidding. Actually what they'll end up with is whatever I think is cute and/or practical regardless of its inclusion on the registry list.
And a nice gift receipt. (That is, if the employees at Babies R Them can figure out how to print the gift receipt.)
Wouldn't you think just having knowledge of the Gift Registry Frustration would push me into early action? Yeah, I would think so too. Strangely enough, it just doesn't. So, guess what I'll be doing tomorrow.
Wish me luck.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Kisses!
My sister and I are best friends. I know that's not the case for a lot of siblings, and I feel sorry for them. Unlike anybody else, my sister knows my history and has witnessed me grow and change first-hand. I can always be completely honest with her and neither of us ever feels the need to give answers or make the other one feel better. Sometimes you just have to live without answers or perfect words, but just being able to talk to her is comforting enough.
And as much as I love my sister, I'm accordingly very attached to my sister's son. I've written a little about D on the blog before, and now he's already two years old! I haven't seen him in a couple months so I'm sure by now he's like a new person three times over.
My sweet sister called me today just before our IUI. She put D on the phone for me to talk to him. (D has some developmental delays and isn't talking yet, but there is no doubt he is a smart little boy. He does some signing and apparently now knows where different body parts are, including his chest which my sister discovered he knew about accidentally just the other day when she was talking to someone else, mentioned his chest, and then noticed him patting his chest.)
One of the other things he understands is when someone asks him to give them a kiss. Only, D believes kisses should always be given to him on his forehead, so he hears "kiss" and immediately pushes his forehead up to the person's lips. I think this might have happened when my mom was "playing a game" with him one time where he did something (I can't remember what...something cute I'm sure) and she kissed him on the forehead, then he'd do it again and she'd kiss him on the forehead again, and on and on it went. He got quite excited and loved the game, so I think that's what he remembers most about kisses.
So, usually D doesn't babble or say anything when I'm talking to him on the phone. My sister has to come back on and explain to me what faces D was making while I was talking to him. This morning, she came back on the phone laughing and said he heard me talking and was just smiling and smiling (not that he doesn't smile about 95% of the time as it is!) and then near the end of the conversation he pushed his forehead against the phone - his kissing motion. It made my day! I sure do love that cute, smart, happy, fun little boy!
It's a good thing I don't have other siblings with kids because I'm pretty sure my sister's son will undoubtedly be my favorite always and forever!
And as much as I love my sister, I'm accordingly very attached to my sister's son. I've written a little about D on the blog before, and now he's already two years old! I haven't seen him in a couple months so I'm sure by now he's like a new person three times over.
My sweet sister called me today just before our IUI. She put D on the phone for me to talk to him. (D has some developmental delays and isn't talking yet, but there is no doubt he is a smart little boy. He does some signing and apparently now knows where different body parts are, including his chest which my sister discovered he knew about accidentally just the other day when she was talking to someone else, mentioned his chest, and then noticed him patting his chest.)
One of the other things he understands is when someone asks him to give them a kiss. Only, D believes kisses should always be given to him on his forehead, so he hears "kiss" and immediately pushes his forehead up to the person's lips. I think this might have happened when my mom was "playing a game" with him one time where he did something (I can't remember what...something cute I'm sure) and she kissed him on the forehead, then he'd do it again and she'd kiss him on the forehead again, and on and on it went. He got quite excited and loved the game, so I think that's what he remembers most about kisses.
So, usually D doesn't babble or say anything when I'm talking to him on the phone. My sister has to come back on and explain to me what faces D was making while I was talking to him. This morning, she came back on the phone laughing and said he heard me talking and was just smiling and smiling (not that he doesn't smile about 95% of the time as it is!) and then near the end of the conversation he pushed his forehead against the phone - his kissing motion. It made my day! I sure do love that cute, smart, happy, fun little boy!
It's a good thing I don't have other siblings with kids because I'm pretty sure my sister's son will undoubtedly be my favorite always and forever!
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Second Attempts
There are two ways to go into a Second Attempt.
Most of the time, a Second Attempt means the first time failed, or didn't go perfectly. So, sometimes it's easy to focus on that: "Here we are again. If only the first time had worked out we wouldn't be doing this all over again."
Another way to look at the Second Attempt is with gratefulness that second chances are an option. God knows, better than anyone else I expect, that I am far from perfect. (Often, third, sixth, even seventy-second chances are in order!) And, with God, there's always the sure hope that one day things will turn out just the way they are supposed to.
I prefer the latter viewpoint.
That said, (and for the few of you who read this blog on a regular basis and do not just stumble upon it while searching the web for "cicada killers" and "Rick Steve's favorite castle"), we will be doing a second IUI (intra-uterine insemination) this Wednesday morning.
Our family, and how it grows, and when it becomes larger, is all in God's hands.
But I sure do pray that this next IUI will be successful. If you're joining in that prayer, you might as well pray for me to have some peace with this process, too.
Because, even though I'm grateful for second attempts and hopeful that the ultimate plan will be perfect, I would like some children and all this infertility stuff can be nerve-wracking, frustrating, and emotionally painful.
We'll know the results of all of this in a few weeks. Until then, we'll continue working, visiting with friends, going to the lake, cultivating the garden, getting the tires on the car rotated...you know, normal life.
And normal life...really, life at all...is such a gift!
Most of the time, a Second Attempt means the first time failed, or didn't go perfectly. So, sometimes it's easy to focus on that: "Here we are again. If only the first time had worked out we wouldn't be doing this all over again."
Another way to look at the Second Attempt is with gratefulness that second chances are an option. God knows, better than anyone else I expect, that I am far from perfect. (Often, third, sixth, even seventy-second chances are in order!) And, with God, there's always the sure hope that one day things will turn out just the way they are supposed to.
I prefer the latter viewpoint.
That said, (and for the few of you who read this blog on a regular basis and do not just stumble upon it while searching the web for "cicada killers" and "Rick Steve's favorite castle"), we will be doing a second IUI (intra-uterine insemination) this Wednesday morning.
Our family, and how it grows, and when it becomes larger, is all in God's hands.
But I sure do pray that this next IUI will be successful. If you're joining in that prayer, you might as well pray for me to have some peace with this process, too.
Because, even though I'm grateful for second attempts and hopeful that the ultimate plan will be perfect, I would like some children and all this infertility stuff can be nerve-wracking, frustrating, and emotionally painful.
We'll know the results of all of this in a few weeks. Until then, we'll continue working, visiting with friends, going to the lake, cultivating the garden, getting the tires on the car rotated...you know, normal life.
And normal life...really, life at all...is such a gift!
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