A Short Hiatus

It's funny to me that I felt a desire to blog (and actually even missed it greatly) last week, yet even if I had time to sit down and type, the words just wouldn't come.

Maybe I was trying too hard. Trying to say something meaningful, amusing or funny with no luck. I have a feeling I had stories to tell and interesting observations to impart, but sitting in front of the computer, my mind was blank.

Last week was a rough week. Tuesday I got the results of my pregnancy test following our second IUI attempt - negative. After a hugely successful surgery a few months ago that fixed a couple of the things we thought might have been contributing to infertility, I admit I was really optimistic about our chances this time.

I know for sure that the more I get my hopes up, the harder it is to be let down. Right now I'm struggling with a spirit and body that are sad, frustrated, and a little angry. At the same time my brain and heart know and believe that God is good and sovereign. God has a plan. His timing and ways are perfect.

And I don't have an answer today for how to live well in this state. We have already started the next process when I don't even know what to think about the last journey we've taken.

I have been surprised by the genuine compassion and love I receive from friends who also are in love with the Lord and trust God. I have so many friends who, without ever having gone through what I am experiencing, have said and done the right things and refrained from the cliches and nonsensical advice I also receive quite often. I have people in my life who absolutely know how I feel, and I am so grateful for them. More people than I can count are praying for us.

And I don't take prayer lightly. All those prayers may be the reason I still love and cherish my relationship with God. All those prayers may be the reason I can keep going to work, hanging out with friends, being with family, and taking care of things around the house with energy, focus, and joy.

So, in case I don't write much here, it's just because the words sometimes seem to fall straight out of my brain. I promise, there are still really funny and adventuresome goings-on in our life...amid such mundane tasks as ironing and cleaning the toilets.

Speaking of ironing...I think there might be some shirts waiting for me right this minute.