Broccoli inexplicably began to appear in my garden in January after utter neglect for months.
In February it snowed. A lot. For Texas anyway.
Strangely, I have no photos to show for March, even though according to blog posts my nephew and sister visited that month. Also, according to blog posts, I spent a good deal of March in sadness and uncertainty about my future - all centered around infertility. Ironically, unbeknownst to anyone, I was also pregnant all during the month of March.
April was a big month. It was probably also the last completely happy month of the year. We took our eighth anniversary trip to San Francisco where I spent the entire week exhausted and nauseous. The last day of that trip I discovered why: I was miraculously pregnant without the aid of fertility drugs or procedures.
In May, our baby died when I miscarried. John canceled his trip to Uganda with a group of accounting students from Baylor.
In June, my wonderful, sweet nephew turned three and we got to spend a fun weekend with him (and his parents! and my parents!).
July brought a much-needed trip to Colorado with John's family. We saw a moose up close and went off-roading in the rental. It was so good to also visit some dear friends in Colorado Springs.
Hawaii in August and September was my favorite vacation ever! It was free, it was relaxing, it was so much fun!
Taking my nephew to the State Fair of Texas in October was a blast! I hope we can do it again this year!
November brought fresh grief again, as I knew the holiday season would. Our baby might have been born around Thanksgiving. I cooked up a "Pumpkin Stuffed With Everything Good." It was good!
That brings us to December. The last half of the month brought great times with my family the week before Christmas and John's family the week after Christmas. And now that all the family gatherings are over, I'm going to have to start cooking again for the first time in two weeks or more! Hope I remember how!
December also made me aware of a need to focus more on the internal, spiritual part of myself - not just by attending church on Sunday or doing Bible study homework...though those things are important. I really want to concentrate on the relationship and communication I have with God. I want to figure out how to be satisfied and content with knowing I have what I need, no matter what the circumstances. I want to live life in the present without worrying about making plans or what might happen in the future.
Those are lofty goals, I know. It would be so much easier to measure if I decided I needed to quit eating all the sugar for goodness sake! Or actually get my behind to the gym three times a week. Or write every day on this blog...which I tend to think might increase readership, but I could be wrong about that! (The sugar thing might actually be a necessary resolution since this holiday season I feel I may be on the cusp of developing diabetes from all the cookies, chocolate, pies, ice cream and, did I say chocolate?)
I began 2010 hoping for fresh starts and new delights. I can't say last year was especially, or even remotely, delightful. I hope 2011 brings more healing to my spirit if not my physical body, and more joy that has nothing to do with circumstances.
"And God will be the stability of your times, a wealth of salvation, wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is his treasure." (Isaiah 33:6)
2 comments:
I don't think you know me. My name is Cindy, and I'm married to Grant, who worked with John at EY. I hope that makes sense. :-) Anyway, I love that your goal this year is to be content and fulfilled in your relationship with God no matter what the circumstances. That was my goal last year, and I'm still working hard at it. Although we don't actually know each other, perhaps we can encourage each other long distance :-) I will add you on facebook, if that's okay with you! Blessings!
Cindy, if you send me a comment with your email address (I will not publish it) I can contact you that way. I may be going up to Wichita to visit John in Feb...maybe we can meet!
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