The Three of Us

How could I have known what it would really be like to have a child? The closest I have come to helping with a baby is my nephew…mostly after he came home from the NICU. And then I wasn’t even the one getting up all night to tube-feed him for hours on end. Maybe just by watching my sister, I could tell that taking care of a newborn (or a baby who just spent the first 4 months of his life in the NICU) is exhausting.

I’m also pretty rational. If a baby needs to eat 8-12 times a day, and it takes 30-45 minutes to nurse/burp/change diapers, that pretty much means very little sleep at a time…or at all.

So far, the way life seems at the moment, with an almost four-week-old is pretty close to how I imagined it would be. Except, my love for our little girl is a lot bigger than I imagined. This is definitely helpful when I have to drag myself out of bed at 2 a.m. or 5 a.m. to wake her up to nurse. (We have one of the only babies on the planet, apparently, who probably would sleep through the night right now if I didn’t set my alarm to wake her up to eat like she’s supposed to.)

I have been so thankful that we got almost a full month with family here with us to help out. Meaning, I got to take some naps and get a few other things done when Grace insists on being held rather than sleeping in her bed…or takes an hour after eating to finally burp.

And now it’s just the three of us. It’s easier to find Grace’s schedule and stick to it better with fewer people around. I’ve only had one crying spell, when John was still at work and Grace wouldn’t stop crying for nearly an hour and I was so tired, wishing she’d take a nap so I could, too. I am slightly more exhausted. The next month or two until I can stop waking her up so much at night to eat will be a blur, I’m sure. And then maybe I’ll just get accustomed to living life in a state of exhaustion! (At least, this is what my sister speculates happens. One day, when your child is two, you realize, “Wow. I’m tired all the time but I don’t really notice it anymore. I’m still functioning.”)

I cherish every moment I have with her nursing, or rocking, or sleeping. I know time will go so quickly. Even if the days don’t. Grace is already more alert during her awake times. Last Thursday morning, as she was lying on her play mat, she made some “ah” noises for the first time: happy noises rather than grunting, squeaking or crying. This weekend, with just me and her Daddy around, she’s gotten to spend more time with John…she always stops crying and gets comfortable when her Daddy holds her.