Striving

It is a beautiful day: sunny skies, cool temperatures, no wind, green leaves popping out on the trees. It’s Saturday, which means I get to see my husband today and tomorrow. We have dinner tonight with friends we haven’t seen in a really long time. I am sitting here, in a sunny room, writing and praying and drinking the best coffee in the world. In a minute I’m going to get to eat a kolache from West, Texas (more specifically from Gerik’s Ole Czech Smokehouse in West, Texas because all those other more prominent kolache places along the highway are just wanna-be’s).

Happiness. Hope. Relaxation. Peace.

But inside myself, there is tension. This week some things happened (besides the clogged up kitchen sink and the house that caught on fire) that make me think…

Aaaaaaaaaack! Ugh. Why don’t the pieces ever fit together? What is going on? Why me? What now?

I have experienced doors opening after long waits and opportunities falling into place only to be followed by other doors closing and some pieces being yanked out of the picture completely. Basically, this means the open doors now lead to nowhere and the opportunities that fell into place are now hanging out all alone rather than as part of a big picture.

And I don’t know how hard to force things back together into some semblance of synthesis. Or if I should go with the flow, however frustrating it seems, and try not to feel irresponsible for making promises or volunteering and then backing out. Again.

Sometimes I just wish God would send me a presentation outlining what the next steps are and how I should go about moving on in life.

Maybe today I need to be happy with the sunshine, the coffee, the company of friends and family, and the green trees. All blessings from God, who could be trying to communicate in a less obtuse fashion…

Here’s some hope. Be at peace. Relax.

Have a kolache.