Happiness and Battles

I love spring and fall...pleasant temperatures, trees with leaves, and blue skies are such a relief with the dreadfully hot summer sandwiched in-between. Even though it stormed this morning, the skies have cleared up, and hearing the birds and seeing the sun makes me happy.

When I was a teenager our family went to Disney World during this time of year (Mardi Gras or Spring Break)...about every other year. I don't know what it was about those vacations that was so magical. (A lot of it probably had to do with the fact that I wasn't paying for it and was pretty oblivious to how much my dad was shelling out to take us there.) Do you have fond childhood memories that come back to you at certain times of year? The smell in the air, the cool temperatures, and the sunny skies during late February and March always make me want to go to Disney World!

I'll have to settle for the Dallas Arboretum and the garden in the backyard for right now. And the past couple weeks with family have been a nice break from the routine, too.

I'm dealing with other less happy emotions this spring, too. I took my sister and nephew to the Dallas Arboretum yesterday. Unbeknownst to us, it was little children's playland over there yesterday morning: petting zoo, face painting, Kindermusik. My nephew had a great time while I fought the battle of being in a throng of obviously pregnant women who all already had children under the age of two. I'm dealing with anger more than I ever have before in the infertility process (which is why I've joined back up with my infertility support group Bible study). I know my dear sister was having to fight the battle, too. My nephew was born at 25 weeks and now, at 2 1/2 years, he brings a lot of health and developmental challenges to his family, but also so much joy and love! My sister never got to be "obviously pregnant".

It's funny how our individual lives, with their challenges and trials, just eventually become "normal", manageable, even fairly content....until we find ourselves around others who live without our unique difficulties. Then our lives become glaringly "not normal". Comparison is a tough battle to fight.

Interestingly enough, the sermon at church on Sunday touched on this. Do you know the story in Matthew 20:1-16? (A landowner hires workers throughout the day and then pays the ones who were there all day the same as he pays the ones who were only there one hour.) The workers hired at the beginning of the day presumed they would receive more money. They thought they knew how the guy in charge should work and what he would do. It struck me when our pastor said:

How about you? What do you “think”? Do you think you deserve to be happy?
Do you think only bad people should die young? Do you think the United States is God’s chosen country and immune to His judgment? Do you think sin has no consequences?... When things don’t work out the way we “think” they should, we fall apart or feel betrayed.

Another thing the workers hired first did was compare themselves to others. So, here's where comparison came into the message.

When we compare ourselves to others we sin twice; once by envying or coveting what others have and twice by ignoring the uniqueness God has given us. You are “his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works that we should walk in them.” (Eph. 2:10). There is no one else like you, created and called for God’s sovereign purpose. Stop comparing yourself to others and get busy doing what only you can do.

I know it will take time and hard work, but I really am hoping to learn these lessons. It helps to focus on what I'm thankful for - all the time! I'm thankful for the friendship I have with my sister. I'm thankful my nephew is alive and learning and growing and so sweet. I'm thankful for the best husband in the world. I'm thankful for the opportunities we have to give. I'm thankful for Ronnie and Martha. I'm thankful for a job doing what I'm passionate about and working with women who are such great examples to me.

I'm thankful that, with all the small children and their very pregnant moms, the weather yesterday was gorgeous, the grass was super green, and I got to hear my nephew laugh a lot.