Don't tell me my grass is too tall and I can't park on the street.

I attended another neighborhood association meeting last night. This association just got started in or around April. We don’t live in a fancy neighborhood with a mandatory association (and John vows we never will), so this is all voluntary.

We voluntarily went to the first interest meeting, voluntarily paid a whopping $20 for the yearly fee, and now voluntarily are on the membership and welcoming committee (even though neither of us remembers “volunteering” for this particular committee and there is currently no funding for the welcoming committee to offer new neighbors a gift of any sort on behalf of the neighborhood association).

Come to think of it, my few attempts to lure neighbors to meetings or become a card-carrying member of the neighborhood association have utterly and miserably failed.

I shall not dwell on that right now.

The entire meeting last night culminated in one burning question, that perhaps should have been addressed back in April, or even before a first general meeting of the ‘hood was called: what is the one focus and goal of our neighborhood association?

We do not have any brilliant entrances to the neighborhood ensconced in bronze signage, brick walls, or flowering plant life.

There are no community parks or other common areas to beautify with state-of-the-art playground equipment, fountains that will inevitably quit working after only a year, or doggie-only areas in which to meet other friendly canine owners (oh, wait…that doesn’t technically fall into the “beautify” category).

Finally, regardless of the fact that 80 percent of EVERY meeting I have attended centers around reports of crime, rumors of crime, suspicions of crime, or tales of crimes long past, the neighborhood association is not a crime-stoppers group or the city code enforcement agency.

So, what do we do? Why are we here?

The answer, very simply: to party.

(I have a sneaking suspicion some of the elderly folks who joined the association so they could start carrying around a notepad to keep track of all the code violations and report those ghastly overhanging tree limbs and annoying barking dogs to the city all in the name of the neighborhood association are now crestfallen.)

(Good news, folks. As a citizen of this city, you can turn your neighbor into the code compliance department ANY TIME YOU PLEASE, with or without a neighborhood association. Just don’t expect to make many friends.)

I have a feeling my job on the membership committee just got easier.

“Hi, want to join the neighborhood association? For just $20 a year for an entire family you can party all year round!”

Everybody likes a party, right?

So, now that our goal is clear, we will meet next month with renewed enthusiasm. What sort of soiree will we hold? Where can the happy event take place? How will we feed an entire neighborhood on a budget of approximately $150? Most importantly, will there be a bounce house involved?

It turns out our neighborhood association will be mostly a social club. Pretty fun and low key on the surface, right? In my deep pondering after last night’s meetings, I have come to the conclusion that perhaps with “party” as the goal of the association, serious results will ensue. I believe it goes something like this:

Party; get to know your neighbors; learn their names, how long they’ve lived here, who their kids are.

People of different income levels and ethnicities start interacting at the party.

Start going outside a little more because you know more people and knowledge makes you comfortable.

Notice when new people move in or attend a party…or don’t attend the party.

The gangs, drug-dealers, and criminals move out…or don’t move in. (Not that we have a real problem with this in our neighborhood, but let’s not be naïve. I know some of it is out there.)

OK, maybe it’s a stretch. I’m not saying this will happen overnight.

It’ll just take lots and lots of parties.

No problem. That’s what the neighborhood association is all about.