Thanksgiving was good medicine for me. Well, except for all the overeating, sugar, and lack of physical activity.
We spent five days with my family. And that happens to be a good thing! It seems like we haven't all been together in forever, so all the laughing, shopping, eating, game-playing, football-watching, cooking, and conversation made for a sweet time. (So did the apple pie that Mom always makes just for me when we visit for the holidays because it is my FAVORITE! How does she make it so delicious?!?)
My sister refuses to allow pictures of her sweet little boy on the internet (which I respect), or else I would plaster his cute face all over this post! He is the cutest, happiest, funniest little two-year-old out there. He LOVES music. I think I sang the Turkey song and "Pop Goes the Weasel" about 87 times each over the four days we were together. One night at dinner we all got to hear him "say" what might be considered his first attempts at mimicking our words - "good job". He hears that phrase a lot. (Although, to be fair, he already says "da" for Dad and "ba" for bath.)
Over the holiday, I learned that my mom beats everybody when it comes to Trivial Pursuit (the Christmas Edition), and my dad is the hands-down master of Rack-O. Those giant cardboard building blocks are fun for all ages. Nobody knows why Bouncy Bee is described as "bouncy" when he's really "buzzy" and "roly". (Of course, "roly" is a word!) Baylor cannot win a football game, and homegrown tomatoes are the best.
I am so thankful for the blessing of my family, my Hope and my faith! I hope your Thanksgiving was just as wonderful!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Sufficient
We did our final IUI procedure a couple weeks ago. Today we got the results. Negative.
It's odd to feel so disappointed, angry and sad on one hand and so relieved on the other hand...even excited. I know I don't need to explain the disappointed, angry, sad part of the emotions. But the relieved, excited part is strange...and honestly, right now it is a smaller part of what I'm feeling.
I'm relieved that I never have to go to that doctor's office again. Relieved I don't have to sit in a waiting room hearing couples talk about their "other kids" or endure sitting in a room with a toddler in stroller or see twins being shown around to the office staff after a(n obviously) successfully IVF. Relieved that I'm removing myself from this situation that apparently makes me judgmental and mean-spirited.
I'm relieved that I can stop pumping myself full of hormones, injecting myself nightly, and putting my husband through the stress of giving me shots in the behind. (Although, I have to brag he does a great job...better than most of the times the nurses give me shots.)
I'm relieved that the STRESS of the infertility treatments is over.
I'm excited that I don't know what is going to happen next. And I'm not even going to imagine what it could be because I haven't a clue. I know it's in this place of being hurt and grieving, letting go of dreams, that God provides "a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." (Isaiah 61:3)
I have so many friends and family members who love me so much. And I am blessed with real reminders of that in times like this when I get emails, phone calls, and hugs. So, in a way, it's appropriate that this is all happening in time for Thanksgiving. I think God is reminding me of the big picture and all the many blessings He has given us for which I need to give thanks.
And, as my boss reminded me today, (again, I am blessed to be working in the place I do with these fabulous people) one of my biggest blessings is God's sufficiency in all things.
Interestingly enough, someone else wrote a blog post today about these very emotions and thoughts. "I've Got You" is a song in the making by Shaun Groves.
I think I like it.
It's odd to feel so disappointed, angry and sad on one hand and so relieved on the other hand...even excited. I know I don't need to explain the disappointed, angry, sad part of the emotions. But the relieved, excited part is strange...and honestly, right now it is a smaller part of what I'm feeling.
I'm relieved that I never have to go to that doctor's office again. Relieved I don't have to sit in a waiting room hearing couples talk about their "other kids" or endure sitting in a room with a toddler in stroller or see twins being shown around to the office staff after a(n obviously) successfully IVF. Relieved that I'm removing myself from this situation that apparently makes me judgmental and mean-spirited.
I'm relieved that I can stop pumping myself full of hormones, injecting myself nightly, and putting my husband through the stress of giving me shots in the behind. (Although, I have to brag he does a great job...better than most of the times the nurses give me shots.)
I'm relieved that the STRESS of the infertility treatments is over.
I'm excited that I don't know what is going to happen next. And I'm not even going to imagine what it could be because I haven't a clue. I know it's in this place of being hurt and grieving, letting go of dreams, that God provides "a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." (Isaiah 61:3)
I have so many friends and family members who love me so much. And I am blessed with real reminders of that in times like this when I get emails, phone calls, and hugs. So, in a way, it's appropriate that this is all happening in time for Thanksgiving. I think God is reminding me of the big picture and all the many blessings He has given us for which I need to give thanks.
And, as my boss reminded me today, (again, I am blessed to be working in the place I do with these fabulous people) one of my biggest blessings is God's sufficiency in all things.
Interestingly enough, someone else wrote a blog post today about these very emotions and thoughts. "I've Got You" is a song in the making by Shaun Groves.
I think I like it.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Snapshots of Life
I feel like I should have so much to catch you up on after a month-long hiatus from the blog.
Sadly, I think the energy of getting through one day at a time while pumped full of various hormones has completely wiped away any memory of...well...yesterday, much less three weeks ago.
So, you'll have to settle for a list of random snapshots of life around here.
1. John discovered that sometimes when he puts his Blackberry through the security x-ray machine at the airport it comes out set to display everything in Arabic. Hmmm.
2. No later than November 1, our neighbors set up every piece of Christmas yard art they own ensconced in approximately 72 strands of holiday lights. What's even better is that, just a few days after setting up, they began turning on the display every night! Makes me want to pull out the Christmas decorations this weekend because every time I drive home from work I feel like I must be way behind.
3. I can't decide whether it's the recipe or buying a high-quality, grain-fed, hormone and antibiotic-free (read: expensive) cut of meat, but I made This Brisket last weekend, and it was good. Thank you, Pioneer Woman.
4. I have been doing acupuncture for a couple months now and have made two observations that seem to indicate this type of medicine really does work. First, ever since I've started the acupuncture, my infertility doctor has observed that my uterine lining looks good. (Ever since I started going to this doctor, I have had to be on estrogen patches to help thicken my uterine lining appropriately. No more estrogen patches.) Secondly, I have noticed that immediately after the acupuncturist puts the needles in and leaves, I will close my eyes and start feeling as if my entire body is tilted to the left. I have actually opened up my eyes to see if I am, in fact, on some kind of an incline only to see that I appear to be lying flat. After 10 or 15 minutes of acupuncture, I notice my body feels as if I'm lying down in a balanced, normal way.
5. Please take a few minutes to read about The Fishermen's Field on Shaun's website. I especially enjoyed reading about C.S. Lewis' definition of a miracle: "C.S. Lewis believed that miracles are God doing up close, small and in focus what He’s always doing so large that it goes unnoticed by us." Life is a miracle; it's just such a big one that I think I don't notice it often enough.
6. "Giving sacrificially" is a hard concept for me. When you see the good your giving does, and feel the joy you're blessed with when you give, it no longer feels like a sacrifice. Other people could look at my life and tell me how much they admire me for sacrificing so much, but they're just comparing me to...someone else. And I can always find another "someone else" to compare myself to and feel that I'm NOT giving sacrificially enough. And really, I'm not supposed to be comparing myself with other people at all! It's just one of those things I will probably always be striving for and struggling with.
7. If you are in the shopping mood (Christmas is just 5 1/2 weeks away!), here is an opportunity to purchase a cookbook with all proceeds, about $5/book, going to the Prestonwood Pregnancy Center, a crisis pregnancy center in Dallas.
8. The city gives us big, green, plastic trash bins for our garbage. I'm pretty sure we're not supposed to put brush in the bins because there's a separate collection for that kind of stuff if you just set it out by the street. However, when raking leaves, it is sooooooo much easier to just throw the piles into the trash bin than it is to stuff them into plastic garbage bags. So, here I am admitting that I have just been dumping leaves into the trash bins and wheeling them out for the garbage people to pick up. This requires us to rake in installments, but I can't even think about what a pain it would be to stuff those leaves into trash bags and then tie up the bags.
9. I saw onion and garlic sets at the feed store a couple weeks ago, bought some, and planted them in our garden. I now believe I should have planted seeds, not sets, at this particular time of year. Green leaves are already shooting up, and research tells me the onions will be small and need to be used right away because they'll rot quickly. On the other hand, I've conquered the cabbage worms on my broccoli (though, there's still no actual broccoli appearing on the plants), and I have tomatoes and peppers growing really well.
10. I do not usually like anything sweet in my coffee, but I had to buy coffee creamer for some guests and found this chocolate toffee creamer to be great in small quantities when you want a more dessert-like coffee. (And just in case you're wondering, no, no one has ever or is currently paying me to promote their product. They probably would feel a readership of eighteen people would not be worth the money. This blog is all about my subjective opinions.)
Sadly, I think the energy of getting through one day at a time while pumped full of various hormones has completely wiped away any memory of...well...yesterday, much less three weeks ago.
So, you'll have to settle for a list of random snapshots of life around here.
1. John discovered that sometimes when he puts his Blackberry through the security x-ray machine at the airport it comes out set to display everything in Arabic. Hmmm.
2. No later than November 1, our neighbors set up every piece of Christmas yard art they own ensconced in approximately 72 strands of holiday lights. What's even better is that, just a few days after setting up, they began turning on the display every night! Makes me want to pull out the Christmas decorations this weekend because every time I drive home from work I feel like I must be way behind.
3. I can't decide whether it's the recipe or buying a high-quality, grain-fed, hormone and antibiotic-free (read: expensive) cut of meat, but I made This Brisket last weekend, and it was good. Thank you, Pioneer Woman.
4. I have been doing acupuncture for a couple months now and have made two observations that seem to indicate this type of medicine really does work. First, ever since I've started the acupuncture, my infertility doctor has observed that my uterine lining looks good. (Ever since I started going to this doctor, I have had to be on estrogen patches to help thicken my uterine lining appropriately. No more estrogen patches.) Secondly, I have noticed that immediately after the acupuncturist puts the needles in and leaves, I will close my eyes and start feeling as if my entire body is tilted to the left. I have actually opened up my eyes to see if I am, in fact, on some kind of an incline only to see that I appear to be lying flat. After 10 or 15 minutes of acupuncture, I notice my body feels as if I'm lying down in a balanced, normal way.
5. Please take a few minutes to read about The Fishermen's Field on Shaun's website. I especially enjoyed reading about C.S. Lewis' definition of a miracle: "C.S. Lewis believed that miracles are God doing up close, small and in focus what He’s always doing so large that it goes unnoticed by us." Life is a miracle; it's just such a big one that I think I don't notice it often enough.
6. "Giving sacrificially" is a hard concept for me. When you see the good your giving does, and feel the joy you're blessed with when you give, it no longer feels like a sacrifice. Other people could look at my life and tell me how much they admire me for sacrificing so much, but they're just comparing me to...someone else. And I can always find another "someone else" to compare myself to and feel that I'm NOT giving sacrificially enough. And really, I'm not supposed to be comparing myself with other people at all! It's just one of those things I will probably always be striving for and struggling with.
7. If you are in the shopping mood (Christmas is just 5 1/2 weeks away!), here is an opportunity to purchase a cookbook with all proceeds, about $5/book, going to the Prestonwood Pregnancy Center, a crisis pregnancy center in Dallas.
8. The city gives us big, green, plastic trash bins for our garbage. I'm pretty sure we're not supposed to put brush in the bins because there's a separate collection for that kind of stuff if you just set it out by the street. However, when raking leaves, it is sooooooo much easier to just throw the piles into the trash bin than it is to stuff them into plastic garbage bags. So, here I am admitting that I have just been dumping leaves into the trash bins and wheeling them out for the garbage people to pick up. This requires us to rake in installments, but I can't even think about what a pain it would be to stuff those leaves into trash bags and then tie up the bags.
9. I saw onion and garlic sets at the feed store a couple weeks ago, bought some, and planted them in our garden. I now believe I should have planted seeds, not sets, at this particular time of year. Green leaves are already shooting up, and research tells me the onions will be small and need to be used right away because they'll rot quickly. On the other hand, I've conquered the cabbage worms on my broccoli (though, there's still no actual broccoli appearing on the plants), and I have tomatoes and peppers growing really well.
10. I do not usually like anything sweet in my coffee, but I had to buy coffee creamer for some guests and found this chocolate toffee creamer to be great in small quantities when you want a more dessert-like coffee. (And just in case you're wondering, no, no one has ever or is currently paying me to promote their product. They probably would feel a readership of eighteen people would not be worth the money. This blog is all about my subjective opinions.)
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