Stage Three

This little graph was presented to us last summer in New York during Ernst & Young's Global Exchange Program orientation session. The typical expat family goes through several stages in the initial months of an assignment, they told us. The stages go something like this:

Stage One Excitement and eager anticipation of moving to a new and different place.

Stage Two Feels like vacation. Every little detail of the new culture is exceptionally fascinating and is perceived as being better than home

Stage Three Frustration with the new culture, and a strong desire to just go back home where everything is more comfortable and familiar.

Stage Four Frustration and feelings of homesickness gradually fade and life begins to feel normal.

After reflecting on the past week, we realize that we are slipping into Stage Three. This is actually a good sign, if you look at the graph, because we're about two months ahead of schedule. We hope to move to Stage Four quickly, but first we'll tell you why we think we're not there yet.

We are different than they are
Every time we interact with the locals, we quickly realize that while we were not raised in this culture as almost everybody else was. This means they are likely quite comfortable with the way things are here. They are used to paying 25 cents to go to the bathroom, paying 40 cents for one packet of ketchup at McDonald's, and making a deposit of up to €1 for the privilege of using the shopping cart at the grocery store. And it is expected that there are 4 omni-directional wheels on every cart. For us, pushing one of these carts is a very awkward way of learning about the laws of motion and inertia.

These and other small little details of life were novelties for the first several weeks, but now it's just starting to get annoying. Can we please just a big wad of free ketchup (not mayonnaise) packets to go with our french fries?

Everything is in Dutch
We expected people to speak Dutch here, but expecting something and actually experiencing it firsthand are two completely different things. Many people here can speak both Dutch and English, which is good for us. But we can't get around the fact that everybody here still prefers Dutch, and will speak their first language whenever possible. This means that when people are communicating directly with us, they will speak in English, then revert back to Dutch when talking to others. This can become uncomfortable when we are still present and have no idea what they are saying. Should we laugh when somebody has told a funny joke, even though we have no idea what it was about? Or maybe they're just laughing at us?

We receive all kinds of mail in Dutch. Phone bills, letters from the office, letters from the government. Even the correspondence explaining how to obtain our residence permit is in Dutch. We think the chances are high that if somebody is applying for a Dutch residence permit, they probably were not born here and therefore probably speak some language other than Dutch. Maybe we're wrong.

We still don't have our stuff
We've been living out of suitcases for over two months. When we call the moving company each week, they tell us they think they know where our stuff is, but they're not quite sure. We can FedEx a letter across the world and receive 4 updates per day until it is finally delivered. We think this should also be possible for our 35 boxes. We would probably feel more "at home" here if we had our shipment already.

Missing ring
Included in one of our 35 boxes is Erin's ring holder. This is where she is used to putting her engagement ring when she takes it off. Since we don't have this yet, Erin has been finding other places to put her ring for the past two months, most recently on a table beside our bed. Well, somehow we are unable to locate the engagement ring. Erin wishes she could remember more about Monday, but she has been racking her brain all week to no avail. Many prayers have been devoted to this subject this week. We have tried hysterical crying, retracing steps, frantically searching the entire apartment, and then moving and removing every single item and piece of furniture in the apartment in an orderly manner but the ring is still missing. It is possible that losing the ring is helping us along to stage three.

They're always watching
In Europe they have found a very effective way to prevent speeding on the roads. The Netherlands is apparently known throughout Europe as the place that you do not want to be speeding. The situation is more complicated for us because much of the time we don't actually know what the speed limit is. On the highways, if the speed limit is not posted, it's probably 120 km/h. We think there are set speed limits for city streets, but we don't know what those are.

Actually, we now know the speed limit in Otterloseweg--50 km/h. This is the location of the national park we went to on October 1. Yesterday, we got a notice in the mail from the auto leasing company that says "Omschrijving overtreding: OVERSCHRIJDING VAN DE MAXIMUMSNELHEID BINNEN DE BEBOUWDE KOM (GEDRAGSREGEL) TOT EN MET 10 KM PER UUR."

There are lots of other Dutch words on this letter, but the most recognizable part was "Toegestane snelheid - 50 km/h; Gemeten snelheid - 62 km/h." We think this means we were going 62 in a 50. So we now have a choice of either paying the €30 fine or protesting with the Divisie Executieve Ondersteuning, however you do that.

Yeah, so we didn't actually get "pulled over" as is customary in the US. The Dutch authorities don't want to waste their time with this; they simply strategically place cameras throughout the country, catch every single offender on a given stretch of road, and send notice of the fine through the mail (unless you happen to be within the stingy 1% margin of error, which in our case would be 52 km/h). And they are constantly moving the cameras around so it's impossible to predict where the cameras are (there is actually an unofficial hotline that people call to report the camera locations, but the hotline is in Dutch). This wouldn't be such a problem if we actually knew the speed limits. It is a common belief that this system is just another form of taxation on the residents here in the Netherlands.

They're always watching, part 2
Aaron Krabill, a U.S. Senior Manager in the Amsterdam office, was kind enough to host a party yesterday evening in honor of the new expats in the office, us included. This was a great time to see people outside of the work environment, and we got some very useful advice about trash. Rule #1: Never put your trash outside on the wrong day. Rule #2: Never break rule #1 more than once, or you will be fined. If you leave your trash out on an inappropriate day and it is not readily apparent who the offender is, the sanitation department will confiscate the bag of trash and meticulously search through each item in the bag until they discover the offender's identity. They will then send an €80 fine in the mail. We know someone who has received multiple fines for this offense.

Rule #3: Always dismantle your boxes before placing them in the recycling bin. Neighbors are watching you from their windows and they will come outside and gripe you out in Dutch if you break this rule. Why do they care so much? Luckily we haven't been caught breaking this rule yet.

So this hasn't been our favorite week, but we expect to proceed to stage four eventually, and hopefully life will be somewhat normal soon.