No one needs to teach me to feel guilty or worried.

Our dry cleaner told me yesterday that her sister is a great-grandmother to a one-year-old boy, and, of course, her great-grandson is a "genius." Our dry cleaner went on to explain that he can't walk yet and apparently only says one word, "da-da", so she asked me when Grace started walking and if she says words. This was supposed to prove that her sister's great-grandson is indeed NOT a genius.

Here's something I've learned: just don't even talk about your child's milestones and developments to people other than grandparents (or maybe not even them if they tend to not agree that your child is the most beautiful, intelligent, gifted little person on the planet). Inevitably a comparison contest ensues and, no matter how advanced or gifted your own child is, you will end up worrying that your child is not growing and learning appropriately.

I tell my daughter all day long that I think she's the most beautiful girl in the world, that she's super smart, that she's so gifted, and that she's the happiest, most fun child ever. I just don't mention it to other people. Moms can do an adequate job all by themselves of feeling guilty and not good enough.

If we spend week after week in busyness, travel, hosting visitors and enjoying play dates, I feel guilty that I'm not letting Grace get enough sleep or quiet, which is detrimental to her growth and development. If I spend a week or two with very little social engagement, I feel lonely and that I'm harming my child by not offering adequate stimulation. If Grace eats less than normal for a day, I worry that she'll not grow properly or is sick, and if she starts eating a ton of food at every meal, I think in the back of my mind that maybe I'm offering her more than she really needs, though I never actually withhold food from my growing baby girl. See? No matter what I do, I can achieve the feeling of "not good enough."

So, this post by Jon Acuff is perfect: satan's favorite word.

My lesson for today? Accept (again!) that I am not enough. Focus on where I am right now and what God's doing right now, right where I am. Enjoy life, as imperfect as it is, right now. When I read or listen to people younger than I, it makes me realize how much I took for granted or didn't appreciate when I was in that different stage of life. So, in ten or twenty years, what will I look back on and think I didn't appreciate enough? I'm trying to anticipate those things and really enjoy and soak them up now: health, energy, stamina, Grace as a toddler, older family members, life with one child...

Focusing on what I'm not "enough" of or how things "could" be takes me out of the present and removes me from being thankful to God for His provision today.