Grateful

So many exciting, happy life events are happening all around us, yet it is still so hard to take time to be grateful. Why is that? I suppose with so many life changes comes a fair amount of stress and busyness.

Even though the leaves are not changing around here yet, fall is in the air. The perfect temperatures and the sun shining lower in the sky make this my favorite season. I also love the anticipation of Thanksgiving and Christmas, pumpkin spice lattes (decaf for me this year...and only as a special treat!), being able to curl up with a blanket on the sofa, and the return of soup to our menu.

Besides slightly cooler temperatures (and yes, by that I might mean 89 degrees which, mind you, is cool compared to 110), another great aspect of life in Oklahoma is the ability to see the sky and take full advantage of beautiful sunrises and sunsets.

We've only been here three weeks, and thankfully we've already found a house! Nothing was perfect, and my pregnancy hormones are making it pretty difficult to have any kind of stable or rational emotions toward house-hunting. I'm content with the house we've chosen, and I realize no matter what a house looks like, it will look and feel like home once we move our stuff in, start living life there, and have our family in that space. We should be moved in before Thanksgiving.

Finally, there is the pregnancy that takes up so much of our minds, prayers, and hearts. I had my first appointment yesterday with my new OB. 17 weeks and everything looks and feels "normal". We heard a strong heartbeat and will have our next sono in a couple weeks. Sometimes I can't believe that we've made it this far into the pregnancy with so few complications. It is such a gift.

After the first trimester of complete exhaustion, some serious heartburn, and a tiny bit of constant nausea, my energy has picked up a bit and nausea and heartburn have pretty much disappeared. Other than being more tired than normal in the late afternoon/evening and having horrible hip pain when I (try to) sleep, I feel perfectly fine...and grateful.

I still think about our first child. Often. I think I always will. I read somewhere that this situation is kind of like someone who has had to have one leg amputated; they are certainly grateful for the one leg they have left and for keeping their life, but there is still grief over the missing leg. With time, you get more used to it and think about it less, but the fact of the loss never disappears.

I think another thing I've discovered is that I'm more conscious about turning this child over to God to protect and care for. My control and power only go so far, and it's sure not as far as I would like to think!

I know I can't imagine how life is going to change. I just know it's going to change radically. I'm trying to be aware and grateful of these last months of this period of my life. You know, the one where I'm just a married woman with a totally flexible schedule who gets all the sleep I want! I've gotten an extra five years of that and can hopefully move into the motherhood phase with thankfulness!

A Bigger Picture

Where will we live? What will our child be like? How much should we really spend on a house? What kind of remodeling will we want to do? When will our house sell? Will we really like this new job? Will the weather ever get cooler?

So much time spent wondering and worrying about the future. I admit my mind is filled with questions and worries and prayers about a baby, selling our house, and finding a new place to live. There’s only so much I can do about our child – good medical care, rest, a healthy diet, and just the right amount of exercise can only go so far. Most of it is up to God. So, I find myself taking control of other things. I start planning and shopping, organizing, making lists, and preparing to do our best to get our house sold and find the perfect new home in our new city.

The more I strive to take control, the more I forget about faith. I leave God out, and then realize I’m not living with purpose. My vision is so short-sighted when I’m grasping for control.

And I forget. I lose sight of the big picture and the tiny ways my life could affect others with a conversation, a smile, a helping hand, service, and grace. All is grace. If you have a moment, take the time to read Duane’s post and remember.

There are more important things than a house and furniture.