Sometimes I read other people's blogs and think, "When do those moms with small children ever have time to watch TV?"
I watch exactly three shows, but never, EVER in real time, and it's honestly been about three or four weeks since I've been caught up on two of those three shows. The one show I keep up with is Downton Abbey. (As in, sometime during the week I find time to watch the most recent episode in multiple parts, on the computer, usually while folding laundry.)
And this is the reason why we still have a square TV....and no cable. I can't tell you the last time I watched live television, and (other than Downton Abbey, which I watch on the computer) it's been several weeks since I've even used the Huluplus. This does not make a good case for spending money on a new TV.
This week I had to avert my eyes from numerous blog posts containing spoilers, and heard several times about how sad this week's episode of Downton Abbey was, so I decided to watch sooner this week rather than later.
Even knowing it would be sad did not prepare me. I (along with every other Downton Abbey viewer who has a heart) could not keep the tears from flowing over a fictional story and a fictional character. That's some great writing...and acting. It probably is so emotional because, though a fictional show, the situation is real. It's happened to people I know...or some similarly distressing, life-threatening situation involving babies and mothers.
In fact, I'm praying right now for a little baby girl named Berkley who is a week old and in the NICU with an, as yet, unspecified genetic disorder that's causing all sorts of medical and developmental issues. I can't keep the tears from coming when I pray for her and her family, or when I look at my own daughter and think, "What a miracle she is!"
After having a nephew who was born four months early, going through infertility, losing a baby, and now having a biological baby girl who is an undeserved gift, I perhaps feel a little bit more deeply about motherhood, infertility, and giving birth than I otherwise would have. It's funny how grief and joy are so intertwined and intense.
Would we truly appreciate and understand joy without experiencing grief?
Once again this year, in honor of our first child, we're making a gift to Compassion's Child Survival Program, which helps save the lives of babies and mothers in poverty. I guess being able to give to Compassion is just one more reason to go ahead and keep the square TV.
Friday, February 01, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
Pointing, Reaching, Stretching
A couple days ago I thought I noticed Grace pointing with her little pointer finger. I confirmed this morning that she has learned how to point to things she wants (this morning it was yogurt).
Although I never measure her, and her clothes all still seem to fit, I can tell Grace is growing taller based on which shelves on the bookcases she can reach. She has now started pulling down books form the top shelf of the bookcase in her room. Guess I'm going to need to relocate all those paper books I've been keeping out of her reach! I also need to reorganize the other bookcases since they're a mess of piled up, randomly stacked books that have migrated up to higher and higher shelves as Grace's reach extends.
Every time I remember Grace's first birthday will be here in just over a month, I want to cry. How can she be getting this old already? Of course, I'm also so happy to see her growing and developing and excited to see what she'll be like next month...or next year!
Recently, I've decided being a stay-at-home mom is perhaps not the healthiest or most natural job for me. Don't get me wrong: I wouldn't go back to work, and I can't imagine not spending so much time with my daughter now that I've gotten to be here at home with her for almost a year. It's just that I think I might be a bit more anxious (about everything!) than other stay-at-home moms. I still find myself worrying all the time about whether she's sleeping enough, whether I'm messing up by not letting her put herself to sleep most of the time, whether she's eating enough, whether I'm adequately balancing allowing her to be independent and having secure attachment with John and me, how I'm going to wean her, if she should be drinking from a cup already, whether she is getting enough social interaction, and the list could go on and on. Maybe every first-time mom thinks about these things often. I just feel like these are the things about which I am almost always thinking. Worrying is probably the more accurate word.
Also, is it really OK to get as little done as I am currently getting done? After a glass bowl shattered into a million pieces at lunch the other day (because I left it too close to Grace...or her reach had yet again extended!), I realized maybe one of the reasons I get less done is that I end up spending 45 minutes or an hour trying to clean up tiny shards of glass from everywhere in the kitchen...or instead of a quick diaper change before heading out the door, I have to clean up a blow-out complete with an outfit change...or rather than a 15-minute breakfast, Grace is ravenously hungry and keeps eating and eating and eating so breakfast lasts 45 minutes. When we get to the store, it takes ten minutes to put Grace's hat and coat on, get a shopping cart outfitted with the shopping cart cover, and belt my squirmy little girl into the cart seat. I used to be able to just walk into the store - it took a minute, tops. It makes me feel a bit better to realize how much extra time everything takes when I'm doing everything for me AND for Grace, or when I'm doing everything with a tiny child attached to my leg.
This is how my overly analytical mind works! It really helps to read books like How Children Succeed (Paul Tough). Now I have even more child-raising theories to ponder. (I thought it was actually a great book.)
All in all, I've decided I probably need to stop comparing myself to other moms. This most likely includes not getting on facebook except to post updates and pictures of Grace every once in a while for all those out-of-towners who like to watch her development. I made no New Year's resolutions, so maybe this can be my end-of-January resolution. Stop worrying could be another one, but that is honestly a life-long continual project for me! Being a mom is definitely stretching me.
Although I never measure her, and her clothes all still seem to fit, I can tell Grace is growing taller based on which shelves on the bookcases she can reach. She has now started pulling down books form the top shelf of the bookcase in her room. Guess I'm going to need to relocate all those paper books I've been keeping out of her reach! I also need to reorganize the other bookcases since they're a mess of piled up, randomly stacked books that have migrated up to higher and higher shelves as Grace's reach extends.
Every time I remember Grace's first birthday will be here in just over a month, I want to cry. How can she be getting this old already? Of course, I'm also so happy to see her growing and developing and excited to see what she'll be like next month...or next year!
Recently, I've decided being a stay-at-home mom is perhaps not the healthiest or most natural job for me. Don't get me wrong: I wouldn't go back to work, and I can't imagine not spending so much time with my daughter now that I've gotten to be here at home with her for almost a year. It's just that I think I might be a bit more anxious (about everything!) than other stay-at-home moms. I still find myself worrying all the time about whether she's sleeping enough, whether I'm messing up by not letting her put herself to sleep most of the time, whether she's eating enough, whether I'm adequately balancing allowing her to be independent and having secure attachment with John and me, how I'm going to wean her, if she should be drinking from a cup already, whether she is getting enough social interaction, and the list could go on and on. Maybe every first-time mom thinks about these things often. I just feel like these are the things about which I am almost always thinking. Worrying is probably the more accurate word.
Also, is it really OK to get as little done as I am currently getting done? After a glass bowl shattered into a million pieces at lunch the other day (because I left it too close to Grace...or her reach had yet again extended!), I realized maybe one of the reasons I get less done is that I end up spending 45 minutes or an hour trying to clean up tiny shards of glass from everywhere in the kitchen...or instead of a quick diaper change before heading out the door, I have to clean up a blow-out complete with an outfit change...or rather than a 15-minute breakfast, Grace is ravenously hungry and keeps eating and eating and eating so breakfast lasts 45 minutes. When we get to the store, it takes ten minutes to put Grace's hat and coat on, get a shopping cart outfitted with the shopping cart cover, and belt my squirmy little girl into the cart seat. I used to be able to just walk into the store - it took a minute, tops. It makes me feel a bit better to realize how much extra time everything takes when I'm doing everything for me AND for Grace, or when I'm doing everything with a tiny child attached to my leg.
This is how my overly analytical mind works! It really helps to read books like How Children Succeed (Paul Tough). Now I have even more child-raising theories to ponder. (I thought it was actually a great book.)
All in all, I've decided I probably need to stop comparing myself to other moms. This most likely includes not getting on facebook except to post updates and pictures of Grace every once in a while for all those out-of-towners who like to watch her development. I made no New Year's resolutions, so maybe this can be my end-of-January resolution. Stop worrying could be another one, but that is honestly a life-long continual project for me! Being a mom is definitely stretching me.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Ten Months...and Happy New Year! (Yeah, I know it was, like, 2 weeks ago.)
Why do I feel like the worst mom ever for not documenting my only child's first year of tremendous development? Her baby book is only half done. When I remember to write down milestones, I usually make a note in my day planner and then jot them down in the baby book when I think of it. That hasn't happened for at least three months now. There are no pictures printed, no blog posts written, no videos taken.
Well, that's not completely true. I think I have a video of Grace grabbing a rattle for the first time, eating solids for the first time, and crawling for the first time.
Our little girl just turned ten months. How can one year be so close already? Grace crawls at a very efficient and fast pace now. Especially if she hears the fridge, freezer, or dishwasher opening, she's there in about two seconds! Some time during her ninth month, she really starting cruising along the furniture. Crawling and pulling up came right at the same time....along with pulling everything off the shelves she could reach. And her reach has extended. Now the second shelf items are no longer safe. Just before Christmas she really started opening cabinets of her own accord.
We're in trouble.
We ordered cabinet locks a couple days ago, and I'm making a pile of breakable items on the kitchen counter as she discovers more and more non-childproof items stored in the lower cabinets. Grace loves to empty out the cabinets so she can crawl into them...and reach even more stuff in the way back!
And there's also this:
There is no opening the dishwasher with Grace in the house unless you want her to "help".
Grace "sings" and knows the signs for "more" and "all done". If you ask her how big she is, she'll put both hands all the way up in the air so you can tell her, "Soooo big!". She has this little hand motion she makes that means she wants to sing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" or she wants to sing it again after we've just sung it.
I love her laugh. Sometimes I can't figure out what she's laughing at, but it makes my day to hear her. Her smile is contagious, and it's a good thing she's so cute since she still takes very short and/or random naps and has decided to wake up almost every night at some point and scream and cry until we go in to settle her down.
Another thing she started doing right before Christmas is wanting to play chase. If I'm down on the floor with her and say "I'm gonna get you!", she'll take off crawling away and stop every once in a while to look back to see if I'm chasing her. Or she'll clap her hands, crawl away and stop and look back if she wants me to chase her. It is so fun!
She doesn't say any words, but I have no doubt she understands what we say most of the time. Grace babbles quite a lot, whether anyone is there to listen to her or not. I'm thankful every night that we moved here so John can be home with us in the evenings. We all get to eat dinner together, so Grace gets to be involved in our conversations and learns to be patient while eating with us at the table.
Here's just a random picture of Grace picking out her first Christmas tree.
We might not give her the job of choosing the tree anymore. For the first year since we've been married, the tree lasted, oh, about five days before it started shedding needles. At week two it started smelling like vomit. (Sorry, Grace! At least we escaped to Grammie and Pop's house to enjoy their artificial tree in all its unscented splendor.)
Grace is beautiful. I'm appreciating every little thing she does and how she changes and grows (even if I'm a failure at documenting it very well). I know I've said it before, but I can't imagine how I can love someone so much. Our daughter is such a wonderful, miraculous gift.
Well, that's not completely true. I think I have a video of Grace grabbing a rattle for the first time, eating solids for the first time, and crawling for the first time.
We ordered cabinet locks a couple days ago, and I'm making a pile of breakable items on the kitchen counter as she discovers more and more non-childproof items stored in the lower cabinets. Grace loves to empty out the cabinets so she can crawl into them...and reach even more stuff in the way back!
And there's also this:
Grace "sings" and knows the signs for "more" and "all done". If you ask her how big she is, she'll put both hands all the way up in the air so you can tell her, "Soooo big!". She has this little hand motion she makes that means she wants to sing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" or she wants to sing it again after we've just sung it.
I love her laugh. Sometimes I can't figure out what she's laughing at, but it makes my day to hear her. Her smile is contagious, and it's a good thing she's so cute since she still takes very short and/or random naps and has decided to wake up almost every night at some point and scream and cry until we go in to settle her down.
Another thing she started doing right before Christmas is wanting to play chase. If I'm down on the floor with her and say "I'm gonna get you!", she'll take off crawling away and stop every once in a while to look back to see if I'm chasing her. Or she'll clap her hands, crawl away and stop and look back if she wants me to chase her. It is so fun!
She doesn't say any words, but I have no doubt she understands what we say most of the time. Grace babbles quite a lot, whether anyone is there to listen to her or not. I'm thankful every night that we moved here so John can be home with us in the evenings. We all get to eat dinner together, so Grace gets to be involved in our conversations and learns to be patient while eating with us at the table.
Here's just a random picture of Grace picking out her first Christmas tree.
Grace is beautiful. I'm appreciating every little thing she does and how she changes and grows (even if I'm a failure at documenting it very well). I know I've said it before, but I can't imagine how I can love someone so much. Our daughter is such a wonderful, miraculous gift.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Will I forget?
When I see Grace sitting on her blanket playing, or up in her high chair eating baby food, or taking up so much more space on my lap than she did a couple months ago, I want to freeze every moment and remember it forever.
Our little girl is growing up so fast. Her own little personality is developing.
I'll tell you what else is developing: major separation anxiety. Though it's obviously anxiety-provoking for Grace to be handed off to anyone except me or John, I think it's as much if not more distressing for me to hear her crying her head off. Aaack. I hope this does not last too long.
After a fun lunch out with John and a good friend, I am in an after-lunch stupor, so I think this will have to be it for now. Might as well grab a nap, short as it may be, while Grace is sleeping...at least for now.
Our little girl is growing up so fast. Her own little personality is developing.
I'll tell you what else is developing: major separation anxiety. Though it's obviously anxiety-provoking for Grace to be handed off to anyone except me or John, I think it's as much if not more distressing for me to hear her crying her head off. Aaack. I hope this does not last too long.
After a fun lunch out with John and a good friend, I am in an after-lunch stupor, so I think this will have to be it for now. Might as well grab a nap, short as it may be, while Grace is sleeping...at least for now.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Don't blink or you'll miss it!
Fall is upon us. Actually, I think the first official day of the season is Saturday, but if I don't start thinking "fall" right now, from the very beginning of the season, it'll be Christmas before I know it. I can't count on the weather (which has been really lovely, but will be in the 90s the next few days) to put me in the spirit of autumn.
'Tis the season for baking. Must be, because I'm not usually overly excited when I read baking blogs. This morning, however, as I was perusing My Baking Addiction I found three recipes I feel I need to try: pumpkin granola bars, candy corn oreo truffles, and German chocolate brownies.
And I don't even really love candy corn or alternatively flavored oreos. Or German chocolate, for that matter. But somehow the recipes spoke to me today.
We'll see if those experiments come to pass!
What absolutely must happen is baking up some pumpkin bread. It's John's favorite, and I'm trying to make it more of a priority to make him feel special since I've kind of dropped the ball on our relationship since Grace came into our family. I'm ashamed to admit that, but it's the truth. Being a counselor, I logically know all about the importance of choosing to connect with your mate. I just never imagined how motherhood would zap me of all energy and creativity by Grace's bedtime.
In case any of you care, this is the pumpkin bread recipe I use (straight from Katie Wilkinson, who I don't know, but contributed this recipe to the cookbook from Bella Vista First United Methodist Church, where my grandparents attended):
Pumpkin Bread I
3 c. granulated sugar 2 tsp. salt (scant)
1 c. vegetable oil 1/2 tsp. ground cloves
4 eggs, beaten 1 tsp. cinnamon
1 (1 lb.) can pumpkin 1 tsp. allspice
3 1/2 c. flour 1 tsp. nutmeg
2 tsp. baking soda 2/3 c. water
"Mix sugar, oil and eggs together; add pumpkin. Add dry ingredients. Add water; stir just until mixed. Pour batter into 2 greased and floured 5x9-inch loaf pans. (I use only Pam to grease the pans.) Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour.
"This is an Amish recipe and it's my favorite bread to have with coffee at breakfast."
Thank you, Katie Wilkinson. I love your pumpkin bread with coffee, too!
'Tis the season for baking. Must be, because I'm not usually overly excited when I read baking blogs. This morning, however, as I was perusing My Baking Addiction I found three recipes I feel I need to try: pumpkin granola bars, candy corn oreo truffles, and German chocolate brownies.
And I don't even really love candy corn or alternatively flavored oreos. Or German chocolate, for that matter. But somehow the recipes spoke to me today.
We'll see if those experiments come to pass!
What absolutely must happen is baking up some pumpkin bread. It's John's favorite, and I'm trying to make it more of a priority to make him feel special since I've kind of dropped the ball on our relationship since Grace came into our family. I'm ashamed to admit that, but it's the truth. Being a counselor, I logically know all about the importance of choosing to connect with your mate. I just never imagined how motherhood would zap me of all energy and creativity by Grace's bedtime.
In case any of you care, this is the pumpkin bread recipe I use (straight from Katie Wilkinson, who I don't know, but contributed this recipe to the cookbook from Bella Vista First United Methodist Church, where my grandparents attended):
Pumpkin Bread I
3 c. granulated sugar 2 tsp. salt (scant)
1 c. vegetable oil 1/2 tsp. ground cloves
4 eggs, beaten 1 tsp. cinnamon
1 (1 lb.) can pumpkin 1 tsp. allspice
3 1/2 c. flour 1 tsp. nutmeg
2 tsp. baking soda 2/3 c. water
"Mix sugar, oil and eggs together; add pumpkin. Add dry ingredients. Add water; stir just until mixed. Pour batter into 2 greased and floured 5x9-inch loaf pans. (I use only Pam to grease the pans.) Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour.
"This is an Amish recipe and it's my favorite bread to have with coffee at breakfast."
Thank you, Katie Wilkinson. I love your pumpkin bread with coffee, too!
Monday, September 10, 2012
Easy Dinner
Oh, I just can't get enough of this beautiful girl!
OK. Unless she's taking 45 minutes to eat or only sleeping for 20 minutes at nap times all day. On those days, someone is welcome to come relieve me so I can actually get something done. Or take a nap.
Look!
It's her new favorite position when she's playing on the floor or in her crib (which she sometimes does rather than take a nap!). Crawling will be here before we know it. And right now I'm hoping she waits to crawl until the new battery charger for the camera arrives in the mail. We seem to have lost the original, and the camera is on it's last little bit of battery power.
It's times like these I kind of wish I weren't the only person in the world without a smart phone. My vintage phone just doesn't take good pictures. Then common sense reminds me that a $5 battery charger is a heck of a lot cheaper than a smart phone monthly plan. Plus, I'm sure we have some time before Grace really crawls.
Because I love spending time with Grace (and some days I do a lot of that since she won't take a real nap, or is having a growth spurt and wants to eat all the time, or is just plain fussy and needy), most the time dinners need to be relatively easy and quick to make. Thanks to my friend Stacy, I have a copy of her favorite week of menus from emeals.com. (This is not a paid advertisement. In fact, I've never bought any eMeals plans and probably won't, but I'm sure it's a great deal for a lot of people.) eMeals features super easy recipes, and one of the recipes from the week I have is quickly becoming one of our favorite dinners.
Crustless Spinach Quiche
1 c 2% shredded mozzarella cheese
1/2 c fat-free half-and-half
1/3 c pesto, drain oil off
10 oz. pkg frozen chopped spinach, thawed/drained
1 1/2 c egg substitute (optional) OR 4-5 eggs or egg whites, whatever combo you'd like
Option: You can also place sliced tomatoes on top of the quiche before you bake it.
Combine all ingredients and pour into a sprayed pie plate. Bake at 375 for 45 to 55 minutes.
Thursday, September 06, 2012
Six Months
Sometimes when I look at pictures of Grace from several months ago I get a little teary-eyed.
I can't imagine what it's going to be like in ten or 15 years!
But then, Grace is so beautiful and smiley and happy and fun that I can't be sad for long. She really is a delightful little girl.
Grace still eats veggies once a day and loves them. She's tried carrots, peas and avocados so far. I think this weekend we'll be having squash, so she can try that.
This weekend we were in Arkansas at John's uncle's lake house for a family reunion. Everybody got to meet Grace, and we got to meet her second cousin who is just 7 weeks old. Grace even went swimming in a two-foot deep little baby pool; she had a blast!
Now that she's rolling over, scooting herself around and sitting I know the day is just around the corner when I will not be able to leave her alone in a room for a second.
Here's how our six-month photo shoot ended yesterday:
She is pretty darling if I do say so myself.
I can't imagine what it's going to be like in ten or 15 years!
But then, Grace is so beautiful and smiley and happy and fun that I can't be sad for long. She really is a delightful little girl.
Grace still eats veggies once a day and loves them. She's tried carrots, peas and avocados so far. I think this weekend we'll be having squash, so she can try that.
This weekend we were in Arkansas at John's uncle's lake house for a family reunion. Everybody got to meet Grace, and we got to meet her second cousin who is just 7 weeks old. Grace even went swimming in a two-foot deep little baby pool; she had a blast!
Now that she's rolling over, scooting herself around and sitting I know the day is just around the corner when I will not be able to leave her alone in a room for a second.
Here's how our six-month photo shoot ended yesterday:
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