A Vacation!

So, it's been a while since I've written. My parents came up to Oklahoma for two weeks to help get things done around the house before we moved our stuff in. My dad worked nonstop for the entire two weeks: painting, wood floor installation, propping up a sagging counter, installing gas valves, fixing GFCI outlets, and the list goes on and on! My mom spent a lot of time cleaning, painting, and helping me install shelf liner. Then when our stuff got here, my mom and John's mom spent the week unpacking and helping me put things away. Whew. Our house would still be a disaster if not for our family!

At one point during the move-in I took a little trip to the hospital because of some abdominal pain and pressure. I have to say, two hours in a quiet, dark hospital room with no moving issues to deal with (once I knew nothing was wrong with the baby) was a nice break! I wasn't dilated, wasn't having any regular contractions, didn't have any kind of infection, and was just a bit dehydrated. Easily fixed.

Once our family left, John and I enjoyed two days by ourselves in the new house before I headed out to Seattle to visit some friends for a week. What a glorious break!

Of course, I had to have some Beecher's mac and cheese:


We had one clear, sunny day while I was in town, and the view from the Columbia Tower was awesome!




That beautiful clear day (also happened to be the birthday of the friend I was visiting!) ended with a gorgeous sunset.


Mostly I just enjoyed being away from home, visiting with a good friend, spending time with her sweet girls, and seeing the brilliant autumn colors that a place with trees offers!

I'm not going to lie; it's been a hard adjustment coming back here to Oklahoma. Sometimes I wonder if I'm cut out to live here. This house is bigger, the city is smaller, things are spread out across a flat plain. Something about it is not cozy. I realize that the adjustment to a new place takes a while. I'm sure as I meet more people and make friends it will help. And there's always the let-down of coming back after a vacation...back to real life.

However, I'm so grateful I got to take that break. Before I know it we'll be off again to visit my family and I'm sure the hustle and bustle of the holiday season will take up plenty of space in my mind and time.

The Power of Persuasion

I just have to say: thanks to my talented husband, we will be closing on our house on time: a feat that apparently was not possible in the minds of all realtors involved because of the particular lender we chose to use.

I have to say that I doubted it myself when our underwriters first asked for a copy of the inspection report over a week ago and then insisted we fix certain things before closing. This despite the fact that we were asking the seller to pay us money in lieu of repairs. And despite the fact that no one should care whether our hot water heater is up to snuff or the outdoor GFCI outlets work or not, least of all our lenders. What if we're against hot water and prefer to take cold showers?

John somehow convinced our lender to waive the silly request for repairs, and we thought things were settled. Until Monday night, four days before we're supposed to close, when our realtor calls to tell us apparently the underwriters are on another scavenger hunt and are requesting a copy of the structural engineer's report. This house is only six years old. Nothing's wrong with the foundation.

Once again, John came to the rescue by informing the loan officer we will not provide more ridiculous reports, especially not four days before closing will take place, and it WILL take place. By Tuesday we had all our final paperwork to review and the guarantee that closing will happen on time.

Our realtor is duly impressed and has observed that "John is a very persuasive man."

I smiled and told John that's how we ended up married; he's very persuasive. And I wouldn't trade him for anything.

Her first state fair of Texas

Thursday of last week was our "big" sonogram. You know, the one where we find out whether our child is a boy or a girl. In all honesty, this 19-week appointment was accompanied, once again, by more anxiety and fear than excitement. Most other days I'm fine. But I don't know if I'll ever have a sonogram appointment where I do not dread something being wrong.

Of course, I tell myself all the things I know I should. God is in control. This may be my only pregnancy; enjoy it! Everything is fine; just be excited about the baby.

It's hard to do after you've lost a child.

Thankfully, my sonogram last week showed a perfectly normal, healthy baby GIRL! All of her measurements were within one day of my original due date, which amazingly has not changed at all since I first became pregnant. She was wiggling around quite a bit, so we didn't get to see her profile, but all of her organs look normal, and we got a glimpse of her feet and hands. Speaking of the wiggling, I've been feeling her little movements now for a couple weeks and am grateful for each of these moments.

My four-year-old nephew has been calling his cousin "her" and "she" ever since we told him I was pregnant. My co-worker graciously gave me a trunk-load of baby items right before we moved, most of which were pink since her child is a little girl. My drycleaner in Dallas was certain I would have a girl when I told him I was pregnant. The room in our new house that we're going to use for a nursery is already painted a very pale pink. Our child's gender did not matter to us at all, but it is nice to imagine one more detail about our child now.

The "face" sonogram pictures do not show a lot of detail, but John proclaimed right away that he thinks our baby looks like me and she's beautiful. Already he's told me he knows it's important that he tells her all the time that she's beautiful. What a great dad!

The excitement of the week was followed up with a super fun weekend in Dallas getting to see my sister, brother-in-law and nephew. We had a fun-filled day at the State Fair of Texas Saturday, even though I had to forgo the Fletcher's corny dog this year. I made up by partaking of some tornado taters and a funnel cake. A large part of the fun was seeing my nephew so extremely excited about EVERYTHING at the fair: the petting zoo, the cows, the dog show, a hamburger, the rides, the music!

Saturday night was the perfect ending to an exciting day as we sat around with John's family watching the Rangers beat the Tigers 15-5 to make it to the World Series!

Sunday we enjoyed a beautiful morning at the Arboretum with all the pumpkins and fall decor before everyone headed home.

Needless to say, I'm a little exhausted. But definitely happy and so thankful for my family. Including this newest addition of our daughter!

Just some honest thoughts

Before I knew for sure that we would be moving this fall, I had grand plans of taking an awesome vacation during my second trimester, assuming I made it to my second trimester. After all, I have not been on a vacation at all this year and I'm assuming that vacations will be off the list of things to do next year with an infant.

And now here I am, over a month into my second trimester, living in an apartment in a new city with very few friends around, closing on a house in a couple weeks, still waiting for the previous house to sell, and scrutinizing which appliances and home furnishings we need to/should/can afford to purchase at this time.

It is not the vacation I had imagined in my head. Part of me wishes I'd known when we took that last trip (I believe it was Hawaii over a year ago!) that it would be the last for a couple years. Oh, what a pity party I can throw for myself!

In reality, I'm probably craving a trip somewhere to escape from the change, loneliness, constant decision-making, and stress of moving. I'm just going to have to find better ways of coping. (And that most likely should not include shopping since we're doing plenty of that already this year, sleeping-in every morning, or burying myself in books and movies to take me into an alternative reality. Though it could be argued that soon enough I will be giving up all the sleeping-in and uninterrupted book/movie time.)

I had four years longer than I'd planned to travel (and get plenty of sleep, and read or watch movies whenever I wanted). This baby is NOT unwanted, for sure! I think it's the move away from friends, my job, family, and familiarity that is unwanted. Though, even that will prove to be a blessing when the baby joins our family and my husband can be in town all the time.

It sure doesn't take too long of me being out of a routine to become introspective! Time will tell whether that's a good thing or not! (I promise not every post will become a place for me to dump all the random thoughts in my head. OK, at least not the boring, "poor me" thoughts!)

Wine and Banana Bread

In visiting churches over the last four weeks I believe we have partaken of communion twice. The first time John was sure they served up wine, which wouldn't have been a stretch considering there was dancing going on over in a corner during the singing portion of the service.

(Dancing that I was completely oblivious to, by the way. John and his mom brought it up after the service and I didn't have a clue what they were talking about. I am either a.) totally immersed in my own little world during worship or b.) unable to have any caffeine early in the morning to provide a level of awareness that most normal people enjoy. This solidifies the fact that I should not, perhaps, be behind the wheel of a vehicle on our way to church on Sunday mornings.)

Anyway, I'm pretty sure the communion element was sugar-free grape juice, not wine, but my awareness might have been compromised (see above paragraph).

Come to think of it, the wine event might have been a completely different communion experience other than the church of the dancers. Maybe we've had communion on three separate occasions? Wow. Church-visiting is going the way of house-hunting. Was that the church with the cool praise team and the boring pastor, or the one with the choir with full orchestra, or the one with the fantastic pastor and a prophetic ministry team? I should be taking notes.

The most recent communion experience was just this last Sunday, so I do recall the "body" element of communion was something I've never experienced. I've had chunks of French bread, pieces of round communion loaves, cracker-like wafers, and those gluten-free wafers that taste like cardboard. Never have I had a tiny pre-cut square of something that tasted suspiciously like banana bread. If was such a tiny sample that it is hard to say, but it was definitely dense and sweet.

(By the way, if you're offering up banana bread to your congregation for communion, you might want to warn them beforehand. It kind of shifts the focus away from what we're supposed to be contemplating when the surprise of a breakfast bread hits our tongue.)

Never in my life did I imagine there could be so many ways for communion to be presented and taken. Just to make it clear: we will not be choosing a church based on the presentation of their communion elements. After all, it all equals a remembrance of Christ's death for forgiveness of sin.

No, we'll probably choose a church based on much more important matters. Like the cool-ness factor of the music minister, the comfort of the chairs/pews, and the number of bounce-house-type activities available at their "Fall Festival"/"Harvest Festival"/"Anti-Halloween, family friendly, free candy event".

Any other suggestions for things we should be evaluating?

Seriously, after finding a house to live in, finding a church is what will make this move feel more like our regular home. We're still working on it.

Grateful

So many exciting, happy life events are happening all around us, yet it is still so hard to take time to be grateful. Why is that? I suppose with so many life changes comes a fair amount of stress and busyness.

Even though the leaves are not changing around here yet, fall is in the air. The perfect temperatures and the sun shining lower in the sky make this my favorite season. I also love the anticipation of Thanksgiving and Christmas, pumpkin spice lattes (decaf for me this year...and only as a special treat!), being able to curl up with a blanket on the sofa, and the return of soup to our menu.

Besides slightly cooler temperatures (and yes, by that I might mean 89 degrees which, mind you, is cool compared to 110), another great aspect of life in Oklahoma is the ability to see the sky and take full advantage of beautiful sunrises and sunsets.

We've only been here three weeks, and thankfully we've already found a house! Nothing was perfect, and my pregnancy hormones are making it pretty difficult to have any kind of stable or rational emotions toward house-hunting. I'm content with the house we've chosen, and I realize no matter what a house looks like, it will look and feel like home once we move our stuff in, start living life there, and have our family in that space. We should be moved in before Thanksgiving.

Finally, there is the pregnancy that takes up so much of our minds, prayers, and hearts. I had my first appointment yesterday with my new OB. 17 weeks and everything looks and feels "normal". We heard a strong heartbeat and will have our next sono in a couple weeks. Sometimes I can't believe that we've made it this far into the pregnancy with so few complications. It is such a gift.

After the first trimester of complete exhaustion, some serious heartburn, and a tiny bit of constant nausea, my energy has picked up a bit and nausea and heartburn have pretty much disappeared. Other than being more tired than normal in the late afternoon/evening and having horrible hip pain when I (try to) sleep, I feel perfectly fine...and grateful.

I still think about our first child. Often. I think I always will. I read somewhere that this situation is kind of like someone who has had to have one leg amputated; they are certainly grateful for the one leg they have left and for keeping their life, but there is still grief over the missing leg. With time, you get more used to it and think about it less, but the fact of the loss never disappears.

I think another thing I've discovered is that I'm more conscious about turning this child over to God to protect and care for. My control and power only go so far, and it's sure not as far as I would like to think!

I know I can't imagine how life is going to change. I just know it's going to change radically. I'm trying to be aware and grateful of these last months of this period of my life. You know, the one where I'm just a married woman with a totally flexible schedule who gets all the sleep I want! I've gotten an extra five years of that and can hopefully move into the motherhood phase with thankfulness!

A Bigger Picture

Where will we live? What will our child be like? How much should we really spend on a house? What kind of remodeling will we want to do? When will our house sell? Will we really like this new job? Will the weather ever get cooler?

So much time spent wondering and worrying about the future. I admit my mind is filled with questions and worries and prayers about a baby, selling our house, and finding a new place to live. There’s only so much I can do about our child – good medical care, rest, a healthy diet, and just the right amount of exercise can only go so far. Most of it is up to God. So, I find myself taking control of other things. I start planning and shopping, organizing, making lists, and preparing to do our best to get our house sold and find the perfect new home in our new city.

The more I strive to take control, the more I forget about faith. I leave God out, and then realize I’m not living with purpose. My vision is so short-sighted when I’m grasping for control.

And I forget. I lose sight of the big picture and the tiny ways my life could affect others with a conversation, a smile, a helping hand, service, and grace. All is grace. If you have a moment, take the time to read Duane’s post and remember.

There are more important things than a house and furniture.